Buffie Writes Op-Ed Over Dr. Jackie’s “Infertile” Comment
Buffie Purselle’s had enough. The “Married To Medicine” newbie is once again calling out one of the cast OGs for what she says was an intentionally “mean and malicious” comment. As previously reported on a forthcoming episode of “Married To Medicine” Buffie will be seen looking on in horror as Dr. Jackie Walters lets a crowded room know that Buffie’s “infertile.” Jackie made the comment while talking about her own fertility issues after beating breast cancer.
“4 years ago, I got breast cancer, said Dr. Jackie. “And the thing that we grow up, most of us wanting to do, you can’t do. And Buffie, you can relate. You’re infertile.”
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This was one of the most humiliating and painful moments in my life. I am proud that I was able to rise above my pain and embarrassment and conduct myself as the lady that my Mother and Grandmother raised me to be. When you first meet someone and they see that you are happily married they ask the inevitable question “do you have kids?” I always answer no. No – period. Then SOME people ask “why NOT” as if my husband and I have done something wrong. I am then forced to explain my many failed attempts at motherhood. This is the level of discussion that Dr. Walters and I had regarding my CHALLENGES with fertility. To call another woman infertile is cruel. That word doesn’t begin to describe the type of person that I am. The clinical definition is that you are unable to GET pregnant. Well, I can and have gotten pregnant many times. I was just unable to carry my babies to full term. Additionally, it means that you bear no fruit. Well, I like to think that I have been a productive member of society and that my mark will be left through philanthropy. I believe that Dr. Walters said this with malicious intent because she could have said many other things about me if she truly wanted to relate to me. We are both successful businesswomen, we are both extremely organized, we both do a lot of charity work, the list goes on and on but she settled on this. And to date, she has NEVER offered me a sincere apology. I don’t want an apology from her anyway because she doesn’t think that she did anything wrong. A mouse has more emotional intelligence. For all of the people saying this is some sort of editing trick – sadly it’s not, it happened, and being forced to relive it on television and social media hasn’t been fun. Thank you to everyone for the positive words of encouragement. The kindness of strangers will never cease to amaze me. I’m fine. I’m tougher than I seem and this too shall pass. I am thankful to know who my REAL friends are on the cast @drsswhit @iluvmariah and @toyabushharris and thanks #Lake and #DrJarret 💜💜💜 #married2med
Since then Dr. Jackie has denied that she made the comment maliciously—but Buffie’s not buying it.
Buffie recently penned an op-ed exclusively shared with TheClosetRatchet calling out the OBGYN for her hurtful comment. The reality star compared Dr. Jackie’s actions to being stabbed “in front of everyone” and denied being “too sensitive”, apparently Dr. Jackie and some “Married to Medicine” fans have claimed that Buffie’s overreacting.
She also once again asserted that she’s NOT “infertile” but instead has had multiple heartbreaking miscarriages.
“This statement, being proclaimed for all to hear, pierced me deeply,” wrote Buffie. “The weight of this took a moment to register, but once it did, I realized I was bleeding profusely. I showed a brief moment of distress but quickly pulled myself together and carried on as if I wasn’t severely wounded.
“When I finally mustered the strength and presence of mind to confront my attacker, I was accused of being “too sensitive.” Too sensitive? What does that actually mean? At face value, it suggests that my reaction to the statement was inappropriate or overblown. Dig deeper and what that statement really says is that both my feelings and my response are invalid.
“I am calling for a moratorium on the use of the words “too sensitive.” Have you considered that maybe, in fact, YOU are not sensitive enough?”
You can read the entire Op-Ed below.
“Stabbed & Too Ashamed To Say “Ouch” By – Buffie Purselle & Dr. David C. Purselle
Imagine going to a party, and someone that you know walks up — and stabs you in front of everyone. You first experience shock as you grasp at the wound, but then you attempt to hide the injury to avoid scrutiny – “That didn’t hurt!” You try to fight back the tears from the pain of your bleeding wound. “You are getting blood all over the floor!” When you finally do show the injury, you are asked: “what did YOU do to get stabbed?”
Obviously, this is a dramatized metaphor, but it describes a recent experience I had being verbally stabbed in front of a group of strangers with a knife in the form of “Buffie, you are infertile.” This statement, being proclaimed for all to hear, pierced me deeply. The weight of this took a moment to register, but once it did, I realized I was bleeding profusely. I showed a brief moment of distress but quickly pulled myself together and carried on as if I wasn’t severely wounded. This is how I was raised. I was able to find some strength from within somehow, and apply the skills for appropriate social interactions so as not to further draw attention to myself. After all, the event I was attending was not about me, and I was determined to keep it that way.
When I finally mustered the strength and presence of mind to confront my attacker, I was accused of being “too sensitive.” Too sensitive? What does that actually mean? At face value, it suggests that my reaction to the statement was inappropriate or overblown. Dig deeper and what that statement really says is that both my feelings and my response are invalid.
The word infertile doesn’t begin to describe me clinically or as a person. My husband and I have had fertility challenges, but we can and have gotten pregnant. I have been unable to carry my babies to full term. It’s incredibly difficult even to share my experience because I still feel like I failed at something that every other woman in the world can do. I identify with Michelle Obama and her struggles with fertility, as written in her book, “Becoming.” I wept as I read her words – “A miscarriage is lonely, painful, and demoralizing almost on a cellular level.”
Since nobody’s experience is the same, even in shared situations, it is impossible to understand how a significant event may impact someone else fully. Projecting what you think your reaction would be onto someone else is unfair and can be insensitive and unempathetic. Repeatedly dismissing another’s emotional reaction to experienced insults verges on bullying and victim shaming. Just because I have a reaction that others may not does not mean my response is wrong.
So what happens when we are repeatedly told that our emotions are wrong? We begin to question them ourselves. At the moment, this internal conflict can be confusing and result in a reaction that can mask the true emotion. Pushing aside uncomfortable emotions like anger, shame, and embarrassment and displaying a more “socially acceptable” emotion can become an overcompensation and result in behaviors that may be confusing to others. In the moment of my “stabbing,” I pushed aside the immense negative emotions I was experiencing and relied on what I have learned from previous situations – saying “ouch” will cause me more pain, so I will pretend it doesn’t hurt.
The subsequent victim shaming and bullying I endured via social media only compounded the humiliation. This will undoubtedly influence my reaction to the next embarrassing situation in which I find myself, and yes, I might seem to some to be “too sensitive.” I make NO apologies for my hurt, sensitivity, or my anger. And, am certainly not asking anyone else to “validate” my feelings or reactions. I am not perfect. But, I am woman enough to own who I am (and also appreciate there is room for growth, self-improvement, humility, and forgiveness). So, for any “haters” out there — my reactions and emotions are just that MINE. What happened to me happens to millions of women each day. And why is that? Why do we always judge each other so harshly for just being human? Why is that society relegates anything remotely emotional to acting “like a girl.” As if that is somehow lesser than.
Ironically, the event that I was attending that night was meant to promote a major accomplishment, uplift, and empower other women. I challenge us ACTUALLY to begin promoting, uplifting and empowering other women. Empower us to not only be strong and confident and to run the world but also to be vulnerable and human and empathetic to others.
I am calling for a moratorium on the use of the words “too sensitive.” Have you considered that maybe, in fact, YOU are not sensitive enough?”
Poor Buffie is clearly very hurt by Dr. Jackie’s comment and she’s adamant that she’s owed an apology—do YOU agree?
See what Dr. Jackie thinks about all this on the flip.
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Still riding high on how #beautiful all the #breastcancer survivor warriors were. I hope that I can be the reason every breast cancer warrior smiles! MORE PICTURES AND VIDEOS TO FOLLOW. #50shadesofpinkfoundation #Drjackie #marriedtomarried #m2m #bravotv #fitni #fitisthenewit #ME. #selflove #selfmotivation #selfdetermination #openandhonestradio #truth #50shadesofpinkfoundation #breastcancerawareness #cwobgyn #womenshealth #womendoctors #QueenV
Dr. Jackie is showing remorse for her comment. The doctor/reality star had a phone interview with The Daily Dish ahead of the next episode of Married to Medicine and she admitted that she regrets what she said.
“I hate that it happened. You know, if I could definitely take it back and do it all over again, because I really was not aware what Buffie wanted to share. And I can certainly say it isn’t my place to share. But after we had talked about it throughout the group I really thought it was OK,” Dr. Jackie explained.
“And so, certainly being a physician, and, you know, a board-certified physician who takes care of tons of celebrities and people from all over the country, I would not have shared something like that had I thought it was not OK with her. You know, I am sorry. I should have asked her, and I hate that [it hurt her]. That is what definitely bothers me the most,” she said.
Dr. Jackie added that she “hates” that it looks like she was being malicious but she truly wasn’t.
“I really did intend to connect with Buffie and all of the women in the room who could relate to infertility. I actually went throughout the room, and I talked about infidelity, I referenced my husband [Curtis Berry] by looking at him. I talked about infertility and really was saying to her that that was something we shared and we knew how it felt. And the group definitely empowered women around that,” she said. “But when you look at it, it’s like, ‘And Buffie, you’re infertile.’ Um, we know that’s not my nature, and I would have never done that in a malicious sense. And I hate that it looks like that. But most importantly is to just let every woman know, one, I’m human. I made a mistake by sharing it without asking her. But definitely with no malicious intent.”
Dr. Jackie also added that she’s “not an emotional being in general.”
“I’m desensitized to a lot of it,” she said. “You know, we have to tell people they have cancer. And you don’t typically cry with them. Well, I think that, that we do cry with them. But yeah, I don’t know how to explain it, ’cause I can’t not be a doctor.”
She’s also confirming that she apologized to Buffie MULTIPLE times contrary to what Buffie claims.
“When asked what she believes Buffie is waiting to hear from her, Dr. Jackie said, “I wish I knew. I wish she could articulate what would that look like or sound like… I have no problem saying I’m sorry for 1,002 times. But I don’t know what I need to say.”