Devale Ellis Talks Social Media, TV Stardom And Millennial Marriage

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BOSSIP: You and Khadeen are having an second wedding, will it be televised?

Devale Ellis: We are but it’s not going to be televised. This is a very private moment for us, but we like telling people the journey of how we got here. We’ve pretty much been crowned as “Relationship Goals” which for us is a tough thing to take because we know how much we’ve struggled in our relationship. But we feel a responsibility, if we’re going to put out on social media how much you love each other, you have to put on social media sometimes how much you despise each other so people can see the balance. Because what you don’t want is people to feel if I don’t love my spouse all the time like Devale and Khadeen do then my marriage is failing. There’s days I wake up and look at Khadeen like, ‘I can’t believe I’m here.’ And she has the same thing. You hear relationship goals and you think ‘if my life isn’t as perfect as theirs all the time then I’m failing at life’ and that’s just not true. We’ve gone through a whole lot. We continue to go through a lot but, we’re loving each other through it and that’s the best part about it.

BOSSIP: How long have you and Khadeen been married?

Devale Ellis: We’ve been married ten years in July and we’ve been together 18 years. A long time. I’m 36, so we’ve been together since we were 18. She knew her worth. She was very honest with me and said, ‘I don’t want to be nobody’s number 2.’ She also gave me my space, she said I understand that we’re 19-20. I’m not going to go anywhere as long as you are honest with me. So I was honest with her, it was painful for her at times. It was painful for me. But when I got my space, I could tell I needed her. Because I wasn’t obligated to be with her. We took a little break in college and I was out there trying to do my thing, but calling her every day. I realized that I yearned for her.

‘Why am I out here looking for something else when I know what I got at home?

So it made it easier for me to make a decision because I was given a choice. I gave her the same choice. I always told her, ‘I never want you to feel like you have to be here so if you want to go do your thing, go do your thing.’

BOSSIP: What’s the date for the second wedding?

Devale Ellis: Right now it’s July 4th. Our wedding anniversary is July 4th so we’re trying to do it around that time. But the issue is, her filming schedule, my filming schedule. We’re trying to find a time when we both don’t have to work.

BOSSIP: How long have you guys been doing your podcast?

Devale Ellis: In March this will be our first full year, we’ve done two episodes, over four million downloads. We’ve been approved for season three so we’re in contracts for season three and season four. We’re doing really well.

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BOSSIP: What’s next for you?

Devale Ellis: We’re in the process of pitching a sitcom. The good thing is with social media we’re able to prove our marketability.

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BOSSIP: Wasn’t that the goal all along?

Devale Ellis: That was the goal. You see I hashtagged #sitcom on every post. People say they want us to have a reality show. But I think that once you come out as a reality show person people put you in that box of you are a reality person. I really didn’t want to do reality. So in my perfect world, we’d come out with a sitcom. I’d rather do scripted but then do a docuseries about how we build our empire. If you look at the landscape of tv now, all of the shows are about millennials who don’t know what’s going on with their lives. If you look at “Insecure,” our show “Sistas,” Amazon has a show coming out that has Meagan Good that has four single black women, Starz or Showtime has picked up show. All of them are about singles. There are no shows about a millennial married couple who are taking the world by storm together and still going with traditional marital issues – and not infidelity, because I don’t want infidelity to be the issue. That’s always the issue. You got money, you got parenting issues, you got role reversals. Traditional social constructs have created the idea that marriage can only be done one way and that’s where women are submissive and play this role and men go out and conquer. But I think with millennials they’ve proven they can be a mix or switch. Khadeen and I did it the exact opposite for about two years. After she had Jackson I was building my business but I was a stay at home dad. She was working at MAC Cosmetics, she was a manager and she would go to work and come home and I would have Jackson and it worked for us. I went from being the breadwinner, making half a million dollars a year playing football to now being a stay at home dad, relying on my wife for health insurance.

BOSSIP: Was that hard?

Devale Ellis: No. I’m going to be 100% honest. I enjoyed it, one, because Khadeen had some space to grow as a person and when she had her own space it was easier for her to come home and get involved with me as an individual. When I was playing football, coincidentally, I would come home and Khadeen would be sitting at home like ‘I hate it here, I’ve been sitting her all day, I don’t want to be somebody’s stay-in girlfriend. I want to live my own life.’ She had a master’s degree but she was living in my house. I used to take her shopping and do all this stuff and she would just look at me like, ‘I could care less about this bag.’ So for me it was great to watch her blossom and be successful at something, plus I loved spending time with my son, I got to write scripts and I got to build my business. So it’s not like I was just sitting at home waiting for her to come home, I was building. Then once I built enough of my business that she didn’t have to go to work, I said ‘Hey, you can stay at home, I got insurance through SAG, I make enough money that now you can work when it’s convenient for you, but now you can build your dream of TV/film. It was just taking turns, back and forth, and I want to tell those stories about millennial marriage.

BOSSIP: It sounds like you’re big on writing things down. So you follow the Law of Attraction?

Devale Ellis: Absolutely. I’ve read “The Secret,” I’ve read “The Alchemist,” I’ve read “The Four Agreements,” and I believe in the law attraction. I believe the universe will conspire to give you everything that you want out of life. I write everything down.

BOSSIP: Would you ever write a couple’s relationship advice book?

Devale Ellis: I don’t consider myself an expert. So I would never give advice, but I would share my story so that people could take whatever gems they would take from my experience. There are smart people and there are wise people. Smart people learn from their mistakes, wise people learn from the mistakes of others. If you could read my book and learn some things so you don’t have to go through them, then that’s on you, but I wouldn’t make it an advice book, because I would never want someone to say, ‘I followed Devale’s principles and it f***ed me!’ I am interested in writing a book because I feel like I’ve been through a lot, I have a lot to share and I love my life.

BOSSIP: Would you do it together?

Devale Ellis: We have an idea for a his and hers book and I also have an idea to do my own personal book because I have my own story for black men. Especially, millennial black men who live outside of the norm of what a masculine black man is. I don’t feel like there’s a safe space for black men to talk about things like that. I was the kid that was in glee club, who painted, who danced, and felt comfortable being there. You always hear those stories about how if you’re not this version of a black man you were considered soft. I never experienced that.

BOSSIP: Was that because of your parents? You have siblings as well, right?

Devale Ellis: I have one brother and one sister. I grew up in a great village. I grew up in Brooklyn and my aunts and uncles were paramount in shaping who we were, my grandparents were paramount, but my father is my biggest hero. People say all the time, ‘Who is your role model?’ and my father always comes up first. I’m not going to say any celebrity. It’s my dad. My father always made me feel comfortable being the best version of myself and my mother enforced that with her love. I knew how confident I was because I not only had my dad telling me but my mom loved me through all of my challenges and I think my parents made me who I am. They’re my favorite people.

BOSSIP: Do you think that’s also what’s helped you with your marriage?

Devale Ellis: Absolutely, because I saw my parents and full transparency, I saw what I wanted from their marriage and I saw what I didn’t want. I’m not afraid to say that, because my parents marriage isn’t perfect, the same way my parents aren’t perfect. But I was smart enough to say, ‘I don’t ant to exist like that so I’m going to try something different.’ I was also blessed enough to have two parents who were transparent with me. My mom told me that she got married too soon. She got married at 21, moved from her parents’ house into my dad’s house and she used to tell me and Kay all the time, ‘Y’all should take your time, be an individual.’

BOSSIP: So you and Khadeen lived in your own places before you got married?

Devale Ellis: Yeah at times. My first year in the NFL we lived separate for seven months. My first two years in college I lived separate from her but by my junior year in college I was living with Khadeen full-time. Then after my rookie season I moved her in with me. So not a lot of time, but that time that I didn’t live with Khadeen made me know that I could live without her but I just didn’t want to.

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BOSSIP: Do you guys want more kids?

Devale Ellis: Everybody knows that I want a girl. Khadeen is like, ‘I’m good.’ She gotta carry them, she’s had to put her career on hold. We’ve discussed surrogacy. I don’t know what people’s thoughts on surrogacy are but I’ve honestly thought as a woman whose already had kids, if every time you have to put your life on a hold, it’s unfair for a man to say you can only have kids that way. So if she chooses to conceive another way, I’m so with it. But she’s said that she would feel like she slighted the last child, if you got maternity shoots, you got pregnancy pictures, so the last child is like, ‘Where’s my stuff?’ and you go ‘Well, I didn’t necessarily have you.’ She feels like the last child would feel differently. I tell tried to tell her I don’t think so. She’s like, ‘as a mom this is how I feel,’ so I have to respect that. Right now she’s comfortable in her space. She’s got her first movie, she’s doing deals for social media. I feel like she’s in her space now where she wants to start her legacy. If I could get her to give me a daughter… She’s like, ‘If you could promise me a daughter, I’d think about it. You can’t even promise me a daughter.’ I told her I’d go to the doctor, they can spin your sperm and all that stuff. She’s like, ‘I don’t know Devale, I don’t know.’ She’s pretty old school. Me, I’m with all of it. I would spin my sperm, give it to a surrogate and say,’Hey incubate this baby for me, I’m going to come get it in 10 months and we’ll be straight.’ But Khadeen is like, ‘I don’t know Devale.’ I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. God made science. Hopefully I get one more but if not, I’ve got three boys, I have a great legacy to pass on, a beautiful wife. I’m content.

Wow. We’re honesty inspired. We’ve been following Devale on Instagram for a few years now but it’s great to really hear how much bigger his dreams are than what we can even see on the gram. We also love how he and Khadeen keep it real and don’t make it seem like everything has to be perfect all the time.