I moved to my current city about 10 years ago. I met this wonderful chick, and before you know it we were thick as thieves.
We took trips together, hung out together, you name it we did it together.
About a year ago, I was out shopping with another girlfriend of mine, and I saw this “friend’s” boyfriend working out. Mind you, he’s good friends with my husband, and therefore, he is friends with me. He had just gotten a fine new car, and I hadn’t seen it, and so I asked to see it. He said, “C’mon, let’s go look at it.”
So, I sit in the car while he’s showing me all the bells and whistles. The doors are open, my purse is on the top of the car, and not to mention my girlfriend is just outside the store waiting on me. (She and the friend’s boyfriend didn’t get along.)
My close friend drives up and jumps out of the car like a mad woman. She starts to curse me out, call me all kinds of h**s, and tells me that she knew that she couldn’t trust me, and that I was trifling. I’m confused because I don’t know what the hell she is talking about, but I’m pissed because I’m your girl. I’m married to a wonderful man, and most definitely don’t want yours.
She goes around town telling all of our friends that I’m evil and the reason that they broke up was because I was sleeping with him. And, guess what? These people believe her!!! Our mutual friends don’t speak to me anymore, or they breaks plans when we plan to go hang out because of this. Now, I’m pissed, and want to beat the brakes off her a**!
How should I handle this? Every time I see her it makes me angry and I want to fight! I don’t want to hang out with our mutual friends or go places with them. I just want them all to leave me the hell alone because it’s clear that they don’t think very much of me. What should I do? – Pissed The Hell Off
Dear Ms. Pissed The Hell Off,
I know you’re angry. I know you’re mad. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re upset. But, as a grown woman, with a wonderful husband, and who has a lot going for yourself, it will be beneath you to fight your so-called friend over a lie, or some high school bull-ish gossip she is spreading. You have too much to lose. You have to be the bigger and better woman. And, you can’t let this get to you because you have to realize just as much as you’re hurting, angry, mad and upset, so is she.
Unfortunately, she is blaming you for the demise of her relationship, and her actions should be redirected toward herself, and her man who probably left her because of who knows what. But, if she is acting this way with you, and she was all up in your face cursing you out and accusing you of sleeping with her man, then imagine how many other times she has done this in front of him with other women. Imagine the drama, and arguments they must have had at home with her accusing him of sleeping with every woman she saw him with, or suspected him of sleeping with. He grew tired of her antics, drama, and over-the-top theatrics and called it quits.
She is an insecure woman. She’s jealous and she envies you. I tell you this much, she looks to you as what she wants to have for herself, and what she desires to be. She wants to be married, in a loving relationship with a wonderful husband, and living your life. But, since she can’t, she sits on the sideline watching, yearning, and hoping. She secretly despises you and what you have, and since she doesn’t her internal conflict of love and admiration for you, conflicts with the anger and jealousy she has for you.
Ma’am, look at how she came at you. Look at her behavior, and how she reacted when you, her so-called best-friend, was sitting in her man’s car. She threw a temper-tantrum and accused you of sleeping with him. I mean come on! You’ve been this woman’s friend for 10 years, and as you’ve stated you were thick as thieves, traveled together, and hung out together. Now, all of a sudden you are all these h**s, and bishes! All of a sudden she suspects you of sleeping with her boyfriend.
So, since her man left her, and she can’t stand the fact she is alone and without a man, and you’re at home with a wonderful husband, she decides to make your life a living hell. She spreads the rumors and lies because she can’t face the reality about her own self. And, unfortunately, no one is real enough to be honest enough to tell her the truth.
Therefore, let her talk. As long as it doesn’t affect your marriage, and your real friends, then who cares what she says. And, those friends who believe her were never really your friends because they would know you much better than that, and they wouldn’t believe the –ish she is saying about you. They would come to you as grown folks and say to you that they know you better than that, and you’ve been a great friend to her, and they are going to stand by you in solidarity. They would know that based on her behavior, how she has acted in the past, and her over-reaction to you, that there is something wrong with her, and she needs to look to herself for healing.
Hold your head up, go out and have fun with your husband, and enjoy the friends you do have. Yes, I know it hurts losing a friend of 10 years, and you miss her friendship and companionship, but she needs to heal and grow up and recognize her own dramatic silly and immature antics she is doing. Sure, she may be in position now to talk –ish, and people believe her and rally behind her, but eventually they will see through her lies, and through her drama and will abandon her. They will get tired of listening to her talk about you all the time. Hell, when her name comes up and folks come back telling you what she said, you just say, “Wow! She said that? God bless her. I send her lots of love and light. I send her lots of positive energy. Now, can we talk about something else?” – Terrance Dean
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