Dear Bossip: Time And Time Again He’s Cheated, But He Says He Loves Me & Wants To Marry Me But I Don’t Get His Loyalty

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 ½ years. At the beginning of the relationship be cheated.

He wasn’t upfront until I stared him in his eye and told him I know you’re lying, so speak now or I’m gone. He confessed, but said she was in the past but they had always said if they ever met up again they’ll link up.

Two months later he proposed. It took me awhile to get over it, but not really. One day I told him I’d like to rebuild my trust so I think we should take time apart just see if he can be trusted and avoid temptation. He failed within a couple days. He had been with someone else. My intuition told me so and I asked him did he do anything and of course it took awhile before he confessed, but he said it was oral and with a condom. But, when he was coming she removed it. Of course that cut out sex.

Fast forward a few months later and he decides that he is tired of me not trusting him. So, he packs up and leaves. Within a month he’s in a new state with a new woman and blasting my name on social media. He is saying how he found the “one” and how she loves him for him, etc.

Months pass and he messages my sister saying he is coming down and would like to see me. I ignored it. So, I never got closure because he up and left with no correspondence. I emailed him and expressed my hurt and sadness. He responds back that it was a mistake and he wants to come back. I go get him a few days later.

My issue is when we speak on our past he says that before when he was over a girl or their relationship he would do things to make her think he is cheating, but never strayed. So, why if I’m who he loves and the only one he wants to marry, then, why am I the one who doesn’t get his loyalty? Another thing we had an argument the other day and within 4 hours he was on social media screaming from the rooftops he’s single. Does he love me or am I just a fool? – A Fool

Dear Ms. A Fool,

Yes, you are a fool.

At the beginning of your relationship when you learned he cheated, that should have been it. That should have been the end of knowing him, and there would be no need for any apologies, making it up to you, or reconciling. Nope. Hell naw. You should have chucked up the deuces, deleted his number, and moved on with your life. Sweetie, early on in the relationship he showed you who he was. You should have believed him. He is a cheater. He cannot be trusted. He is a liar. And, he has and never will be your boyfriend. As a matter of fact, he’s never been your boyfriend. You were sharing him with other women, and you’ve been quite content with it.

SMDH at you and this letter. You truly believe that you are in a committed monogamous relationship. Bwahahahahahahaha! And, it’s sad that you would even continue to try to turn this into something serious and even think he will be faithful to you. Therefore, I can’t blame him because time and time again he has consistently shown you that he cannot be trusted, he is a liar, and that he is a cheater. Yet, time and time again you convince yourself that it will be different, and he will change just for you, so you dive back into this same scenario over and over again ending up with the same results.

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over, yet, expecting a different outcome. You, ma’am, are bat –ish crazy. He keeps telling you and showing you that he cannot be trusted. But, you have convinced yourself that you are the woman for him. And, he keeps saying to you that he is not the man for you.

You have no one to blame but yourself. Why run after a man after he left you to go be with another woman? He moved to another state, and proclaimed on social media that he found the “one.” Therefore, you were never the “one.” You were simply something to do while he was doing other women, and you allowed him to do so, and gave him carte blanche. When he proposed to you after he admitted to you that he cheated, and you said to him that you need time apart so that he can rebuild your trust, yet, the first thing he does is sleep with another woman. Well, boo boo, it is clear that is not interested in earning your trust. He is not interested in your feelings, or in being with you. He is interested in himself, doing what he wants, and having you on the side to come back to when he needs someplace to lay in, and your spread your legs and welcome him back. BOOM! BAM! POW!

I truly don’t understand why if he left you to move to another state to go be with another woman, and when things don’t work out, he is emailing you saying how sorry he is and he wants to come back, that you would actually interrupt your life and go and get him. That cheap perfume you are wearing called, Desperation, is reeking and any man can smell it a mile away. Obviously you don’t respect yourself enough, and, nor do you find yourself worthy of having a good man who will love you, cherish you, and respect you.

So, you know what, I don’t even think you will even heed to my response, or even listen to any advice on why you should leave him, and stop allowing him to enter into your life at his convenience. It’s obvious you are d**k thirsty, man hungry, and needy. You love drama. You love the pain and heartache. Because otherwise, any smart, intelligent, and self-respecting woman would not put up with any of this, and would have learned her lesson the first time she learned her man cheated on her. But, you, my dear, keep returning to it. Therefore, you have to ask yourself what is it that you are getting out of this, and why do you allow this to go on when you know he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t want to be with you, and you don’t even love yourself enough to walk away? – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

   

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: https://bossip.com/986271/dear-bossip-hes-a-christian-man-we-were-fwb-turned-into-relationship-but-now-he-wants-us-to-be-celibate/#sthash.koljJiX8.dpuf
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! – See more at: https://bossip.com/986271/dear-bossip-hes-a-christian-man-we-were-fwb-turned-into-relationship-but-now-he-wants-us-to-be-celibate/#sthash.koljJiX8.dpuf

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