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Dear Bossip,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. We’ve never been on and off so it’s been a solid 2 years together.

We have a great relationship. The best relationship I have ever had, so much love and respect. We moved in together 4 months ago, and things have been going great. Better than I thought. I was afraid that moving in would alter the good relationship we had because once you move in with someone their expectations change. Like they say, you don’t know someone until you move in with them. Although it’s still fresh things have been wonderful. I love this man with everything I have and he has shown me he feels the same. There is just one problem that I am torn about. I haven’t met his family. I don’t know what to think about it. I can’t say he is unsure about me or he doesn’t see a future with me because, again, we live together now, and we have discussed and decided that one day we would want to get married. At the same time, I can’t say he is not close with them because he is. He sees them every week and spends a significant amount of time with them. He claims they know about me and they have asked about me. I even bought his sister a gift before. I have met all of his friends, and he has met my friends and family. I don’t know what to do. – Haven’t Met The Parents

Dear Ms. Haven’t Met The Parents,

You’ve been together with a man for two years and you’ve never met his parents, yet, you move in with him. You say that everything is beautiful, wonderful, and amazing with him, and now living together things are still going great even after four months of living together. Hell, you even go on to say that you don’t know someone until you move in with them, but, you haven’t met his parents. So, what do you really know about him? How can you move in with the love of your life and you’ve never met their family? If he’s with them every week and spends a significant amount of time with them, then why hasn’t he invited you to any of those gatherings and meetings? Two years together, and he’s met your family and friends, and you are living with him and you think you know him. Yeah, okay, please explain that to me!

You’re talking about marriage and you living with a man who hasn’t introduced you to his family. Why not? What is the hold up? What is he waiting for? Have you asked him why he hasn’t introduced you to his family? Have you and he talked about meeting his mother, father, and siblings? What has happened during the holidays, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter? Where is he and where are you spending the holidays?

This raises a red flag, and it can be resolved immediately. Sit down with him and ask him the same questions I have raised. Find out what is going on and why he has waited this long, or what he is waiting for. Don’t let him off the hook either if he gives you some lame excuse like, “Oh, I never thought of it.” Or, “I’m just waiting on the right moment.” And, “My family is crazy and I don’t want to be embarrassed.” Or even, “What’s the big deal? It’s not important if you meet them. What matters is my love for you.”

If he is spending a lot of time with his own family, and they are asking about you, then he needs to make a meeting happen. An introduction needs to take place between you and his family, especially if you’ve been together 2 years and you’re living together. Hell, why haven’t they been invited to your house? Why hasn’t any of his family members been to your home for dinner, lunch, tea, coffee, or a family night? Girl, something is not right. I don’t know what it is, but you better start raising questions and see what’s going on with him hiding you, or keeping his family from meeting you.

Also, what is the real status of your relationship? Yeah, he’s amazing, he’s wonderful, and everything is great, but what is the short and long-term goals of your relationship? You say you’re talking about marriage, but if in two years you’re able to move in and shack up, then why haven’t you met his family? If you’re discussing marriage, then wouldn’t meeting his family play a significant part and role of your future? So, is he with you to pass the time, or he is serious about making you his wife? Then, if he is, and if you’re everything to him as he is everything to you, then why hadn’t he introduced you sooner to his family?

But, I want to know why did you wait this long to make it an issue? If you hadn’t met his family in the first year, why wait another year to pass? Why move in with him without meeting his parents first? I don’t understand why you all move so fast in these relationships and to lock someone down when you don’t really know them. You haven’t met the most significant people who are part of your partner’s lives, but you want to play house. You start talking about having a family and getting married, but for years you’ve never met anyone who makes up their family. Is the thirst that real that you it doesn’t bother you, and you figure if things are good between you and them, then, why rock the boat? Why start asking questions and demanding to meet their family when you’re in love and you don’t want them to leave you? Oh, hell naw! Girl, tell him to invite his family over to your home for dinner or lunch this weekend. Or, he arranges to take you with him the next time he spends significant time with them. Resolve this today. The hell is wrong with you people. He’s waiting until your wedding day to introduce you to his family? He’s going to bring his mother over and say, “Hey ma, this is the woman I’m marrying. Now, go take your seat.” Chile, bye! – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

   

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