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Portrait of a Sulking Man with His Arms Crossed

Dear Bossip,

I’m about to get right to the point. I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years. Our relationship is crap and all we do is fight and cheat.

It’s a constant –ish cycle. I would cheat then she would cheat to get back at me. I honestly don’t know who would cheat with her, but whatever! Then, she would forgive me, then, I would forgive her. I got her pregnant when we were both 16 years old. My family forced me to marry her even though we were only together for 3 months. They told me if I didn’t marry her then they wouldn’t support me, so I did what I had to do. I can honestly say I never truly loved her even though we have 3 kids together and have been together for 10 years. I know she doesn’t love me either because she tells me that all the time. I even got another chick pregnant 2 years ago and I was going to leave her, but she threatened to not let me see my kids, so I came back. I always felt like we were just obligated to stay together because of our son, then the other kids came along and now I’m stuck.

I keep telling her let’s get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to; probably because I’m the only one with a job. We do live with her mom, though. We pretty much lived with her since we were 16 years old and never left. Her mom and I handle all the bills. My wife has never worked a day in her life and that –ish is so unattractive to me. She doesn’t drive because she never learned how. I mean what almost 27 year old woman doesn’t know how to drive? Also, she doesn’t know how to cook. She’s nasty as hell. I swear I barely see her get in the shower. She’s a dirty ass white woman, OML! She also gotten fat (300lbs) and sloppy. I’m ashamed to tell people she’s my wife. Man, I also can’t even tell you the last time I touched her. She’s always begging, but I’m not interested.

Now, for the second reason I haven’t left the house besides for my kids is for her mom. I know this is wrong, but her mom is so damn fine. Her mom is 41 years old and she’s so beautiful, and fit. She cooks, cleans and knows how to take care of a man. We have been sleeping together for the last 7 ½ months. I don’t know how my wife doesn’t know because we flirt all day every day. I don’t even hide the fact that I’m doing it. We probably have sex every night and my wife will be in the next room oblivious thinking her momma and I are smoking weed.

Her mom keeps telling her to leave me and that she will help her get a place and a job. But, her mom is only doing that because she wants her gone so that me and her can really be together. Her mom can’t stand how lazy and unmotivated she is. She only puts up with her because of the kids. Her mom genuinely can’t stand her. They get into so many fists fights it’s not even funny. My wife has been to jail several times because of those fights. I want to tell her it’s over, but I know she won’t let me see our kids when she finds out I’m with her momma. How do I tell her so that things can go over smoothly? – Mr. Torn

Dear Mr. Torn,

So, you really think things are going to go over smoothly once your wife learns that you have been sleeping with her own mother! You really think she is going to just up and leave and tell you two to have a great life and wish you the best? You really think that all hell is not going to break loose once your wife discovers what has been going on? You truly have been smoking too much damn weed!

You are utterly disgusting and trifling. You’re the worst type of man, and I use the word “man” loosely. You are a grown ass man living with your wife’s mother, and have been doing so for the past 10 years. You claim you are the breadwinner in the family, and your wife doesn’t work. Yet, instead of moving your family out, you are laying up in your mother-in-law’s house. Does that sound like a responsible man to you? Does that sound like a man who is about his business or a man who is taking care of his family without living in someone else’s home? No. You’re complaining about your wife, but you’re also just as complicit. You haven’t done anything to better your situation or to help motivate your wife. You have done nothing to change your housing, or to make it better for you and your kids. You are living with two women!! HELLO!

Then, you complain and bish about what your wife isn’t doing, how she looks, and making her out to be this horrible person. But, bruh, you’ve stayed with her for 10 years! If it was so bad and so horrible, then why not leave when you had the chance? Oh, yeah, because you were so afraid that your parents were going to cut you off financially. You are a spoiled brat. You got her pregnant at 16 years old, and your parents forced you to marry her in order that you may continue being financially supported. So, basically your mother (parents) were taking care of you, and in order to appease them, and not be broke, you marry someone you didn’t love. Then, you sit up here and complain about living with her mother, but her mother is also taking care of you and her daughter. You went from one household to another. You found another mother to take care of you and your problems. SMDH!

But, what is seriously a bigger issue is that you are sleeping with your own wife’s mother. That is sad and pathetic. You lay up in this woman’s house with her own daughter, and you are engaging in a sexual relationship with her. Do you really think anyone will accept this behavior or say to you that they don’t blame you for what you’re doing? Do you really think how this will affect your wife and children? Do you not care how this will damage your kids? No! It’s because you’re selfish, spoiled, and you think everyone owes you something. You think that you can do whatever you want and not have any consequences for your actions because someone will come in and fix them or solve them for you. You can’t even take care of your own responsibility as a father, a dad, or a man. So, I don’t expect for you to recognize or acknowledge your silly, childish, and immature behavior. You are not a man. You are a grown ass boy!

You had ample amount of opportunities to leave your wife, but you keep saying how she threatens you and won’t let you see your children if you leave. Well, that’s why they have family court, dumbass! If you were to leave and divorce her and the courts will see that you are working, she isn’t and that she lives at home with her mother, and that you have been there for 10 years, then don’t you think they would give you joint custody, or some type of visitation to see your own kids? You are just as dumb and silly as you claim she is. So, instead of leaving your wife, getting the divorce, and moving on with your life to pursue and find your own happiness, you feel it’s better to sleep with her mother, and destroy everyone else’s life around you? You honestly thought this through and feel that your behavior is justified because your wife doesn’t want to do anything to advance herself, or to save your marriage, and the best solution you could think of is to sleep with her mother. You have got to be the biggest donkey ever!

I hope your wife learns the truth, and she takes your children away from you and gets all the alimony and child support she will deserve. Despite what you think of her, what she isn’t doing, and how she looks, she is still the mother of your children, she is still your wife, and she is still her mother’s daughter. She is a human being with feelings and emotions. She doesn’t deserve what you and her own mother are doing to her behind her back. She doesn’t deserve to be treated no less. You are the scumbag. You are the asshole. So, sir, there is nothing I can tell that will smooth things out between you and your wife so that you and her mother can continue screwing each other and to put her own daughter out of the home so you can lay up in the house and think you will have a relationship with her mother. There is absolutely nothing I can tell you that will resolutely be moral or ethical about what you’re doing. You deserve every bit of hell and wrath you will get once your wife learns what’s going on. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! 

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