Call It Quits! 11 Red Flags That Your Mate Isn’t ‘The One’
We’ve all been there, you’re in the midst of a heart wrenching break up and somehow you’re blaming yourself because deep down all of the warning signs were there. On the contrary, some of us are completely blind-sided by the end of a relationship. Eitherway, we’ve compiled a list of some signs to help you dodge this bitter bullet.
1. You Share Awkward Silence
Do you ever catch yourself in awkward moments of silence? Do you feel compelled to fill the silence with unnecessary small talk? They don’t say “silence is golden” for nothing! Whether the relationship is established or fairly new, feeling genuinely comfortable should never be an issue for the man/woman you plan to marry. When the chemistry is right, you won’t feel disconnected if he/she needs a little space. If you’re forcing small talk now, what should you expect 5 years from now?
2. He/She Has No Sense Of Responsibility
No matter how much you love a person, a healthy relationship is built on more than emotions. A relationship should function like a team. Can you count on your mate to hold down a job or pay the electricity on time? Is he/she a self starter or do they wait until the last minute for everything? If you can’t expect them to help out with the basics now, what makes you think they’ll do it later? Unless you don’t mind changing diapers alone, call it quits and hit the streets.
3. He/She Has More Fun Around Other People Than With You
Do you notice a significant change in behavior when your bae is around his/her friends? Does he/she seem to have more fun when you aren’t around than when you are? If so, chances are they don’t feel comfortable showing you that side of themselves for fear of being judged. If you aren’t experiencing your mate from all sides, you don’t really know them. If you don’t really know them, how can you say ‘I do’?
4. You Just Can’t Trust Them
This is a too-often overlooked sign. Yes, of course we all know how vital trust is in any relationship but unfortunately that does not stop most of us from running right on back despite the issues. Sometimes, the lack of trust can be carried over from other bad experiences, but if it’s stemming from your current mate you need to consider why. Do his/her actions, behavior or words make you feel this way? If it’s a common problem you face in this relationship, ask yourself if you’d be willing to endure it for the rest of eternity. If the answer is no, exit stage left before things get any harder.
5. When Sex Is The Highlight Of Your Relationship
What’s the best thing about your relationship? If your answer had anything to do with sex, that’s a problem. Having amazing sex is necessary for any relationship, but a long term mate requires much more than getting smashed to smithereens. Do you still have stimulating conversations or hands-free dates? If the answer is no, this person probably isn’t ‘The One’.
6. He/She Doesn’t Have The Same Family Values
Does your boo ever talk about their family? Does he/she flake on family functions or ignore calls from their parents? If you’re a family oriented person these are signs you might be trying to build something with the wrong person. If you don’t see eye-to-eye about how a family should function, that could be grounds to find yourself someone who does. If they’re used to functioning independently from a family unit, that probably something you can’t change in adulthood. Ask yourself what you expect out of a husband or wife. Would you mind a man who hits up his man cave every night after work or would you expect him to be more active with you and the kids? If they don’t fit the bill, don’t waste the time.
7. Every Disagreement Turns Aggressive
Does he/she turn every simple disagreement into a raging argument? If so, save yourself the headache and get to steppin! Ain’t nobody got time for an adult who can’t agree to disagree. In any relationship, healthy communication is vital, so if you can’t talk without getting dragged into an all-out rager, you should probably exit before things get any more aggressive.
8. He/She Hides Your Relationship
Does he/she post pictures on social media of everything or everyone except you? Have you met the homies? Does he/she invite you to family functions? If you’ve been dating a while and the answer to all of these are ‘no,’ this could very well be a sign that you need to make your exit. If your mate boasts about the other personal highlights of their life, but not you, there’s probably not a good reason why. If you’ve express the way you feel and nothing’s changed, don’t bother forcing it. Find someone who feels equally proud to have you!
9. The Communication Sucks
Do you have to wait hours for a response? Or find out their whereabouts through other people? With healthy communication comes respect. If you can’t see eye-to-eye on what information is important to communicate with one another, that could lead to some major problems in the future. Some people want to know if you saw your ex at the bar last night, others don’t necessarily care, but it’s about the courtesy of keeping your mate informed. No one likes to be left in the dark, or hearing things from other people. So if this is an ongoing problem, it’s probably time to close this chapter and keep it movin’.
10. Every Argument Feels Like The End
If every argument means blocking his/her number, throwing away their belongings, twitter beefing and deleting all of the coupled up pics on your Instagram, then you need to put an end to it. How can you take it to the next level with someone if you all can’t learn to resolve problems in a healthy and effective way? You can’t take it to the altar with someone who can’t weather a storm.
11. He/She Can’t Make Eye Contact
Do you ever notice he/she has a hard time looking you in the eyes? Do they look away when you’re discussing important topics like marriage and/or kids? Unless there’s a medical reason, lack of eye contact could be a sign they’re being deceptive or feel uncomfortable about a particular topic. Maybe they don’t see themselves getting married, or maybe just not married to you. Either way, an honest lover won’t mind looking their boo in the eyes.