Dear Bossip: I've Found Used Condoms But He Claimed They Belonged To His Boy

Dear Bossip,

Thank you for taking the time to read my message. I have a question but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. It’s a serious relationship and we have agreed to monogamy. Maybe a year ago, I’m not too sure, but I went over to his house and I went to the bathroom and found a condom wrapper in the trash. I asked him about it and he told me it was his friends. He explained it to me and it made sense. He had been at my house for the past week prior to this incident, and while at my place he had told me his friend had been at his place. So, it added up at the time. I didn’t want to go crazy so I listened and believed him. But, I kept both my eyes open.

Last week we went out of town together. When we got back to his place it was late so we went straight to bed. I pulled the pillows back and found a used condom.  Albeit disgusting and clear cut proof that he isn’t sticking to his word on being monogamous. I listened to what he had to say.  Once again, while we were out of town for the week he said his friend was at his place. He could be being completely honest but he could be a lying bastard. But like before it adds up, but twice?

As a grown man do you allow your friends to do this in your bed? And, then they don’t clean up after themselves, at someone else’s place?  I’m itching just thinking about it. If this was indeed true why didn’t he put an end to it the first time?

When I asked why he would allow it, he said he didn’t know. I don’t know if they made arrangements before we left but I do know that while we were on vacation he didn’t have contact with anyone because we were out of the country and our phones aren’t equipped to work internationally. And, we were together 24/7 the whole time, so I know for sure he didn’t talk to his friend during the week. There are still so many thoughts running through my head. Why would he put so much effort into us to cheat? When does he have time to cheat? Who is he cheating with?  Is every guy out to be dirty dogs?  When do you say enough is enough?

Given everything that I know for sure I have good reason to believe him. But, given the fact that everyone lies and the red flag was staring me in my face, I have reason to believe he is in fact a cheating dog and the condom was his from sometime before we left. He does safeguard his cell phone with a code and keeps it on him. Maybe that is nothing and he just wants to hold on to some sense of privacy? It’s never been an issue before but writing this seems to have brought up another red flag.

I can’t ignore what I’ve seen but at the same time I don’t want to believe that he would do that and especially now given that he’s talking about moving forward and getting married and starting a family. Clearly we aren’t ready for that, probably never will be, but for now I just want to know, in your opinion, if the facts add up to him cheating or do I need to run? – Putting My Running Shoes On

Dear Ms. Putting My Running Shoes On,

LMBAO! Well, alright Ms. Speedy Gonzales! You better get to sprinting!

Let’s look at your man, and this situation right quick. You found a condom wrapper a year ago in his trash and he claimed it was his boy’s. Instead of popping off, you let him explain and he gave a good explanation. So, you pressed forward. Then, while on vacation for a week, you come back home, ready to climb in bed, and BAM! You find a used condom under the pillow. Again, your man explains that his boy used his place for his getaway sex spot while he was gone.

Now, this could be true. This could very well be what is going on. The Guy Code of, “Let Me Use Your Spot To Bang This Chick,” is not uncommon for men. Especially if they live at home with their mom, or he has a girlfriend or wife, and he needs a place to go to do his do. His boy or his best friend who lives alone doesn’t mind letting his homie use his place so he can freak with his lady, or ladies. Yes, it’s a guy thing. And, the Guy Code is that, “We’re boys. I understand your situation. Just as long as you clean up behind yourself, then I don’t mind you using my spot.”

And, I know women have a Girl Code. There is some allegiance you have with your girl. You look out for one another. So, it’s the same with the Guy Code.

With that, the used condom wrapper in the trash was innocent. At least his boy put it in the trash. Perhaps your man didn’t think anything about it, and when you came over and saw it, he realized that he should have dumped the bathroom trash. But, it was no big deal because he didn’t use it, so he didn’t feel any type of way about it.

Let me ask you this, was the condom wrapper the brand you use together? Or do you not use condoms? If not, then did you notice if the brand of the condom wrapper was the type he used before you decided to stop?

Moving forward. The used condom under the pillow is trifling. That is nasty. But, again, his boy could have used his place the entire week he was gone and didn’t do a thorough job of cleaning like he thought he did. Perhaps they were in a hurry, and in the process of cleaning up and making up the bed the condom got swept under the pillow. Who knows what happens. The point is anything could have happened. Neither of you were in town. And, if his boy has the keys to his place, then you can’t get upset if your man let’s his boy use his place to get his freak on. That is a question you need to ask you man. And, get all the details of this friendship, and how often his boy uses his place.

You can only ask your man to tell his boy to make sure that he cleans up behind himself. Tell the little hookers he’s bringing over there to help him clean. That means changing the sheets, pillow cases, wiping things down, and disinfecting whatever. But, again, if he is letting his boy use his place to get it in for a few hours, then don’t expect a thorough Molly The Maid cleaning.

But, you suspect your man is cheating. Which you should be giving him the side eye. Two times you’ve discovered condom residue in your man’s home. And, both times he is putting it off on his boy. Do you know this friend? Have you ever met him? Does this friend have a girlfriend? Does he have a wife? Does he live alone? If you have never met this said friend, then, yes, I would be concerned. If this is a friend that you’ve never heard of, then, yes, I would be concerned. So, plan a meeting with this said friend. Go out on a double date. Then you can meet his friend, and his lady friend. This will give you a good sense of the type of person he is.

Speculations and suspicions is all that you have right now. And, you’ve believed your man’s alibis. Both times you found the evidence in his home were the times he was with you. So, he could be telling the truth. However, they could be leftover things he failed to clean up and it wasn’t until you came over and discovered them that he realized he effed up! What do you do?

And, the whole cell phone code and privacy. Well, that isn’t any reason for concern. Don’t you have a code on your phone, and isn’t your phone with you at all times? Does your man know the code to your phone? If he is stepping out of the room to use the phone, or to answer the phone then you should be concerned. But, if he isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, then don’t over exaggerate the situation. It could all be innocent. Yes, keep your eyes open, and don’t sleep.

You mentioned that you and your man agreed on monogamy. And, he is having conversations of moving forward with you, getting married, and starting a family. Perhaps he isn’t cheating. Maybe he really loves you and wants to make you his one and only. You do spend all your time together. And, you sound like you’re happy, as well as he is. The situation between him and his boy, well, he is just honoring the Guy Code. However, if he is honoring the Guy Code with his boy, then just know his boy will also honor the Guy Code with him. Just like you and your girls will honor the Girl Code with each other.  – Terrance Dean

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