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Dear Bossip,

I dated my ex for a year back in 2012. We were in love and matched perfectly.

I went off to college, which was 2 hours away, and he thought I was drifting away from him and moving on from him. That was not the case at all, but our relationship came to a silent end.

After I graduated 2 years later and came back home I discovered he had a new girlfriend. We started back reconnecting as friends, but then he started coming over and with each visit he started showing physical affection. We eventually had sex after a few visits and we texted all day since we rekindled the old thing. Mind you he still had a girlfriend, but he knew I still loved him.

Now, I feel awful because I love him, but he is taken. He says if he wasn’t with her he’d be with me. I want to tell his girlfriend so bad! I’m not a side chick, but I fell into this trap! How do I get out? My heart is broken and I feel grimy as hell. – Longing For My Ex

Dear Ms. Longing For My Ex,

You are the side chick! I truly swear common sense does not equate with book smarts or a college education.

Ma’am, you are trifling, grimy, and low down. You are that woman, the one who will creep back with her ex knowing he has a girlfriend and despite knowing this you will start sleeping with him hoping he will leave his woman to be with you. But, he will lie to you, tell you want you want to hear because all he wants is to run up in you, string you along, and you will let him because nothing is in your head.

You both are gutter low life people.

If he didn’t want to be with her, then why doesn’t he end it? How the hell is she in the way if he broke up with you while you were in college, and he moved on and started another relationship? And, he’s lying to you saying that if he wasn’t with her then he would be with you. That’s some straight up bull-ish. If she was in the way of his undying love for you, then he would man up and let her know where his heart truly lies, end it with her, and he would be with you. But, he won’t because he’s a coward, just like you.

You both are cowards. Spineless. And, two ratchet a** donkeys.

You mean to tell me that of all the men in your state, your city, and beyond your locale the only man you could reconnect with was your ex? You graduated from college and you ran your trifling a** back home to pursue a relationship with your ex (there’s a reason he’s your ex), despite him being in a relationship? You know that he has a girlfriend, yet, you invited him to your home. Why? For what purposes? Then, sex just happens, and you’re trying to rekindle a dead relationship which ended because when you went away to college, two hours away, and he felt you were drifting from him and moving on.

Remember he dumped you. He ended it. He broke up with you. SMDH!

He couldn’t support your dreams, your pursuits of furthering your educational aspirations, and your growth into a mature woman. No. He couldn’t support that, or be with a woman who was only two hours away at college. So, he dumped you, just like the wimp he is. And, you want to run back to that? Really? Really! Boo Boo, he dumped you as soon as you left. He moved on, got another woman, and has a full on relationship. And, you want him to dump all of that just because you returned, and you’re letting him run up in you and bang you out (the side chick)? Bwahahahahahahaha

Well, it says a lot about you as well. You haven’t grown. You haven’t matured. You are not as smart as you think you are. Talking about you’re not a side chick and you fell into a trap. No, you volunteered to be the side chick. You made that choice consciously, and without hesitation. YOU MADE YOURSELF THE SIDE CHICK. How can you be heartbroken when you’ve created this situation, and knew what it was before you got into it? I don’t get it. You feel grimy because you chose to do this, and you caught feelings over a man who ended the relationship before? Girl, you’re d**k hungry, and you laid down and spread your legs with dumb nuts.

And, you want to tell his girlfriend, why? For what? What will that resolve? It will show your pettiness, your own insecurity, and your own low self-esteem that you have within yourself. And, that you would stoop so low as to sleep with a man whom you know has a girlfriend, and you are trying to get one up on her. You are a freaking joke. Your basic a** is supposed to be the educated, smart, and mature woman, yet, you’re acting like a high school bird. All because you want the prize, and sweetie, he is no prize. He is not the catch. And, do you really think any man would want to be with a woman like you based on your behavior?

But, let it be known, if he is cheating on her with you, then he will do the same thing to you. And, that is why he dumped you in the first place. He didn’t want to commit to you for the long haul, so he did what he does best, he ran. And, if you really think that the convenience of him sleeping with you because you are from his past, and he has some feelings for you is the reason you two are rekindling this tired drab flame, then you are wrong. He is a cheater, and has cheated on his girlfriend before. Actually, you are probably the other other side chick. There are other women he’s sleeping with. You’re just another number. Bird!

Yeah, you’re easy. You’re ratchet. You’re that girl that you will let a man smash because you once had a fling with him, or some type of relationship, but after he dumps you, you will run back to him hoping to reconnect, and rekindle what once was because of some false sense of reality hoping he will make you the main chick, his one and only. Good luck with that. How about you stop sleeping with him, relinquish being the side chick, and focus on you, and work on starting your career. How about you grow up, mature, and work on your spiritual development so that you won’t fall into this trap, or this behavior once again because of some d**k. Build yourself. Build your self-esteem. He is not worth your time or energy. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at:


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