Dear Bossip: I Regret Cheating On My Wife & I'm Not Happy With My Baby Momma

Dear Bossip,

I’m 31 years old. I met my wife in high school and we married at 20 years old.

She’s kind, beautiful, smart, and she’s a great mother to our 2 children. And, she is a fantastic cook. She keeps me laughing. I supported her through college, even though I never went because I believed in her dreams for us. Obviously, I love this woman.

I had never cheated before this. I feel immense guilt for all who were hurt by my selfishness. I had slept with a woman I had known casually for years on a few occasions. A condom had broken once, and it was a wake-up call. So, I purchased Plan B and I ended it before my wife found out. I wanted to tell my wife, of course I didn’t want to hurt her, but it would’ve been a selfish way to ease my guilty conscious.

Two months later my soon to be baby momma told me she was pregnant again, and she was pressuring me to end my marriage and be with her. I had to take responsibility for all I had done and I wanted to be there for my future child. I had to tell my wife the truth, in hopes to save my marriage. In my heart I knew she would leave me and I knew I deserved it.

She quickly filed for divorce and put me out ASAP. It would be selfish to try to save my marriage, when my ex-wife doesn’t want that. I’m not one of those guys who just knock women up and roll out, so I’m trying to be with my baby momma. I do still want to be with my ex-wife, but I’m willing to let go because that is what she wants. I just want her to be happy, for herself and my kids. God knows she deserves it after what I put her through. I miss her and I think about her constantly.

My ex-wife and I have no custody or child support agreement. We have an arrangement and we both agreed to it. I still participate in family outings, and occasionally have dinner at my old home. We get along because it’s what’s best for our children. We are far from friends, if it’s not about my children she won’t speak to me. She also introduced me to her new man, before he met our children. I want her to forgive me one day. I miss having her great positive energy in my life, but she said that won’t happen as long as I am with “her.” She says my relationship with my baby momma is toxic and unhealthy.

My baby momma and I fight almost two to three times a week, mostly because she is insanely jealous of my ex-wife. She looks through my phone, email, my car, my pockets, everything to make sure I’m not cheating on her or having “unnecessary communication,” as she calls it with my ex-wife. She asked to smell my d**k once when I came back from having dinner with my ex-wife and our kids. As if I did my ex on top of the table on the pot roast in front of my kids. She had me f****d up!

I slept at my friend’s house that night and I find myself doing that more often now because I don’t want to be around her BS. I thought my baby momma would calm down once the baby came and her emotions would go back to normal, but we’re still fighting. She wants me to take my ex-wife to court and for me to stop spending time with her, even if it’s just for my kids benefit. I’m not changing for her, or for anybody. I learned my lesson by losing my family. I want to be a changed man. My ex-wife does not want to be with me. I would like to be there and support both mothers of my children, my children, and take responsibility for my life, and she needs to accept that. I try to tell her all of this, but she still does not want me communicating with my ex-wife.

To be honest, I think she may cheat on me. She knew about my marriage, and pursued me pretty hard. I didn’t chase her. Yes, I made myself available to her, but she was throwing the p****y at me. She enjoys drinking and likes to go out dancing, something I don’t find really attractive in a woman, but that is how we started hooking up. She obviously co-signed my cheating on my wife and still to this day she says stuff like she stole her man. She seems like she’s almost proud of playing a part in destroying my marriage. Don’t get me wrong, she is a strong great woman and I love her, but her lack of morals is really starting to bother me. Morals to me is accepting your behavior. If in your mind cheating is allowed, then it isn’t morally wrong. Cheating would be morally right to that person. But, I still felt wrong cheating on my ex-wife and I’m still living with the guilt.

Why doesn’t she feel guilt? It really has me questioning if she’ll cheat on me. How successful can a relationship be if it started out as an affair? I made the biggest mistake of my life and I’m trying to own it, but is being with her the right way? Like I said, I’m not okay with brothers who just leave the mother of their children or who have hella baby mommas, but I’m starting to see I can still be there without being with my children’s mothers. Morally I am lost. What should I do? – Ex-Mr. Wrong

Dear Mr. Ex-Mr. Wrong,

So, you have problems with your baby momma and her morals, yet, you don’t speak on your own morality? You cheated on your wife, got another woman pregnant, and then instead of fighting for your marriage you decide to be with your baby momma. Sir, you made a choice. You chose to be with the other woman rather than be with the woman you married and decided to have a family with. Thus, in your wife’s mind you chose the other woman. You didn’t choose her or your family. You chose your jump-off, your side piece, your chick on the side. No wonder she won’t speak to you, respect you, or even engage with you.

Then, you sit up here and say you are not okay with brothers who just leave the mother of their children or who have hella baby mommas. Well, aren’t you a walking contradiction. You left the mother of your children – your ex-wife. You do have two baby mommas. Yes, you were married at one time, but now you’re divorced. So, technically you have two baby mommas, and you’re living with one that you don’t really care for. You’re just with her because….well….I don’t know why you’re with her. You don’t really love her. You’re just there because you think it’s the right thing to do. You’re there because you don’t want to end up on child support. Your ex-wife was very gracious in not putting you on child support, and not demanding alimony. I hope she does wise up and put your ass on child support. So, because you lucked out with your ex-wife you’re afraid that if you leave your baby momma then she will definitely put you on child support. She is crazy, deranged, shallow, and callous.

You slept with a woman who pursued you relentlessly. You claim she was throwing the p***y at you. Uhm, you mean to tell me that you couldn’t have restrained yourself, considered your family, and thought how this would ruin your marriage? You are that slow, and that dumb that because a woman is pursuing you and willing to spread her legs for you that you can’t say no? Well, sir, then you deserve everything you are getting, and happening to you.

You got your jump-off pregnant once after the condom broke, you got Plan B, and said it was a wake-up call. Yet, you went back in, possibly raw dog, and two months later your side piece was pregnant, again! So, obviously the first time was not a wake-up call. You didn’t learn your lesson. You didn’t end the relationship and move on with your life. Just like a donkey, you went back for more and risked it all, and for what?

Now, you’re worried that your baby momma may cheat on you because she had no qualms about pursuing a married man. Well, duh! Then, you say that she is the party girl who likes to have a good time. Uhm, hmmmm, if you met her while out drinking and partying, and she still likes to drink and party, then the likelihood of her cheating is about 1,000 out of a 1,000. You say that she is always checking your phone, texts, and wants you to cease communication with your ex-wife for fear that you and she may reconnect, and she fears that you and she have or may hook-up because it was so easy for her to snag and bed you. Can’t blame her can you? She doesn’t trust you, and it’s comical that she wants to smell your d**k to make sure you are not stepping out on her. Well, what will happen if you are? What is she going to do, leave you? But, your concern is that she will cheat on you because as you shared no relationship that started out as an affair can last. You both were dishonest people. You both do not care about anyone else but yourselves. You both are deceitful, and you both are liars. Now, sir, you tell me what type of future you can possibly have together? (I’ll wait) You know there are sayings about your type of relationship – Where you meet them is where you will lose them. If you can cheat on your wife, then what makes your side piece think you won’t cheat on her? What goes around, comes around. Karma is a bish!

Look, if you unhappy and miserable with your baby momma, then why stay? Why are you there? Why be in an unhealthy relationship? Please don’t say it’s for the sake of the child, and that you want to do the right thing. You are a crock of BS! You didn’t work it out with your ex-wife for the sake of the children. Hell, you didn’t even consider your marriage, your vows, your morality, or your children. You stepped out, were unfaithful, lied, cheated, and were dishonest. Own your –ish, be a man, an adult, and stop trying to fake like you care or that you want to be this faithful and dutiful man. You’re not. Why be with someone if you and that person don’t have trust in your relationship? Why be with someone who can brag about stealing another woman’s husband and man? You don’t have to be with a woman to be a father for your children. You can be a good, supportive, and responsible parent without staying in an unhealthy relationship. Grow up, and stop whining. Stop blaming others for what you’ve created. If you don’t want this relationship, then leave. If you don’t love her, then stop lying. And, be honest with yourself, you are one of those men who have baby mommas, and walked away from your marriage. It is the truth. Once you accept who you are, your role, your responsibility, your acts, and your part, then you can grow. – Terrance Dean

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