Dear Bossip: He Asked Me To Move In, Then Broke Up With Me & Now Wants To Move Out

Dear Bossip,

Me and my ex-boyfriend, who is the father of my child, both work at the same job.

We live together and try to be cordial for the sake of our child. Our job is great. It has individually placed both of us in the middle class bracket. We were together when we first started working there. I got the job first and he seemed jealous, but a couple of months later he got a job, too.

Once he started working there I saw a change in his attitude. He began to act cocky and arrogant. Our work place is 85% women and the rest men. His first month there he begin to pick petty arguments that led to us breaking up. A day later he was trying to get with this girl at the job. I found out and was hurt because we’ve only been broken up for a day and I felt this was his way to talk to these female with no reprimands for his action. I was also hurt because he was choosing to court women I had to work with which was like a slap in my face. He apologized and we began to work on our relationship.

A few months later he was back to his old ways, arguing to break up. At this time we had one car and we’re both on different schedules. One day he picked me up, he was off work, and I asked how was his day. He said cool and that he didn’t really do anything. I later found out he was chilling with a girl from our job at her house. I don’t know what they did, but when I confronted him he said that it was none of my business. We broke up and he moved out. Once my lease was coming to an end I was looking for a new spot when he told me to move in with him and rekindle our relationship. At this point I was on the verge of totally being over him, but I agreed to move in because I wanted a family.

Fast forward three months, he decided to break up again. He says that he didn’t feel loved by me which is absolute bull-ish. We’ve been broken up for 3 months, but stay together. We were working on our relationship. A week ago I went out of town and left him the keys to my car because his was in the shop. Everything was good! I recently found out he’s talking to a new girl at work. He wants to move out of the apartment we share and told me this the day I got back from my vacation. I can financially live here by myself, but with my car note, insurance, bills, etc. I would have only $75 a month to survive off and that’s not including groceries, gas, and things for my child. So, I just told him let’s just break the lease and go half on the fees. He’s upset that I won’t to do it that way because he claims he doesn’t have that type of money. He says to let him take his name off the lease which would run him $25, and that once I get my taxes to end the lease which would run me $2,675. I think that is absolutely absurd for him to even say that. I’m trying to be as civil as ever, but I’m to a point where my petty side is about to pop up. What should I do? – Sick and Tired

Dear Ms. Sick and Tired,

You go to the management office, and discuss with them how you can take your name off the lease. You have more at stake than he does because when you break the lease and have to move, guess who has to care for your child? You will. Guess who is going to have to feed, clothe, and provide for your child? You will. You will have a greater burden than he will. So, don’t tell him what you’re going to do, just do it. Get your name off the lease, and since you both work different shifts, then, when he is at work, and you have found yourself a new and smaller place that you can afford for you and your child, you move all your things out. Leave his ass with that apartment, that lease, and his own bills. You don’t owe him anything.

Then, I recommend you go to family court, and put him on child support. He wants to be petty and silly and immature. Then, make his lazy and trifling ass pay for the child he helped to procreate. He’s complaining about money, and you both are making the same amount, yet, he wants you to eat the costs and bear the burden of the finances. No! That’s not how this works. Put him on child support. Don’t play games with him. Don’t get into this back and forth with him. And, don’t rely on him to give you his word and tell you what he is going to do and how much he can give you. Let the courts handle this.

I strongly encourage you to go to your supervisor/manager at work and explain the situation about your relationship, and it’s unfortunate because you shouldn’t have your personal life affecting your work life, and since you two knuckleheads work together, then you need to make sure your work environment is not affected by your personal matters. Tell your supervisor/manager what is going on, and how if you don’t need to interact with him, or work with him, then it would be preferable. Do not engage him while at work. Do not argue with him while at work. Do not get into personal matters while at work. Both of you can stand to lose your jobs, so, if he confronts you, or make snide remarks, or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, then, you document it and take it to his or your supervisor/manager. Each time he does this you document it. Keep a paper trail. You don’t want to lose your job over his petty and silly antics.

Also, I know it is going to be difficult knowing he is dating another woman from your job. He’s done this while you were together, and while you were broken up. This is a huge problem as the man who you were once intimate with and wanting to share a life with, and thought you would be a family together is now parading around the workplace with various women. I know it hurts. I know it’s difficult knowing he is dating these women you work with. You can either look for another job, or ask for a transfer, if your company is willing to relocate you and if they have another location, or you can remain in that environment and just ignore him and the other women. Don’t reveal or share any of your personal life with your co-workers. It will get messy.  Don’t confront or argue with other women on your job that he may be dating. It’s not worth it. Be the bigger adult and make sure you remain professional.

In regards to him seeing and attempting to date other women at work, well, it just goes to show his level of immaturity and lack of class and judgment. He will eventually get caught up with these women, and it will be a big blow up at work and he will get fired. Trust and believe. He can only keep so much drama and dirt going at the work place. All of this will come crashing down on him and he will lose his job and wonder what happened. Don’t get involved or engaged with who he is doing, and what they are doing. Focus on you and your job, your responsibilities, and making it through the work day and work week.

Lastly, stop all this back and forth with him. Break up and get back together. Then, break up, get back together, and move in. NO! NO! NO! NO! He only wants you to live with him to cut the costs of his living expenses. Girl, he doesn’t have reliable transportation. You do. At one point he didn’t have a car and was using your vehicle. Then, he gets a car, and it’s in the shop, and while you’re on vacation he is using your car to rip and run the streets. Are you that naïve to leave your car with him? Girl, grow up and stop being his momma and care taker. This fool can barely keep a car or pay his bills, so I know you are picking up the slack. You are putting more into him than he is into you and this relationship. STOP IT! It’s time to do you, and focus on you and your child. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to be with you. This is very clear. So, stop appeasing him and stop accommodating his requests. He had you move in with him, and then he breaks up with you and now he wants you to assume the apartment so he can move out. The hell! No, ma’am. And, he’s talking about telling he wants you to take his name of the lease, which will only cost $25, and you take over the lease. Uhm, hell to the no! That is his apartment. He found the apartment and moved in without you, thus, let his ass stay there on his own. Girl, follow my instructions and do you, boo! – Terrance Dean

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