Dear Bossip: I Got Her Pregnant And I Don't Want To Be With Her

Dear Bossip,

I was dating this chick for about 2 years. I thought everything was good with us.

Even though we didn’t live together I would still provide for her and her girls (ages 7 and 4). I loved her unconditionally. Her kids were my kids. However, we ending up breaking things off 8 months ago when I found out she was cheating on me.

I’m a good looking dude and I never had an issue with the ladies, but when I got with her I cut all that out. I was nothing but faithful to her and to be honest this was the only relationship that I had been faithful in. To make matters worse she cheated on me with her baby father who don’t do nothing for his daughter. Also, buddy just got out of jail for fraud and unpaid child support. Me and dude got into a fight cuz I caught him in the street and things turned to blows. I got locked up that night because he pressed charges. I mean I know I was wrong but I was so angry. It was either her or him, so I chose him.

We immediately broke up even though she begged and pleaded for us to work it out. Even though after the break up I got back to doing my own thing, but I still missed her. One night, I hit her up and she told me to come over and we had sex. The next day I regretted it and just stop speaking to her all together. Then, a month goes by and she hits my line talking about she’s pregnant. I thought she was lying up until I saw the tests. To be honest the dates just don’t match up.

I want to believe that she’s having my shorty, but I ain’t no fool either. I told her I want a test after the baby is born, but she keeps telling me that if we don’t get back together then she’s moving 300 miles away. She said she wants to move and live with her mom because she will need help and that she can already tell I’m going to be a deadbeat like her first and second baby daddies. I don’t have a deadbeat bone in my body. I’m just not going to be played like a fiddle either.

She also told me that when I find out the kid is mine, then, I’m going to regret not being with her during the pregnancy. I mean, I want to experience all this, because this will be my first child. I just hate that it’s with her. I mean, I did love her for a while, but she cheated on me. My boys was even telling me that after the break-up she had dudes coming and going at her crib like it was a Motel 6.

She is a devious woman and if it comes out this is my child, then I don’t want her turning my shorty against me. I told her I will be there for her throughout the pregnancy, up until I get the test. I know how I am and I will fall in love with the kid immediately, even if it’s not mine, and that’s what I’m trying to avoid because I don’t want to be trapped by her. She keeps saying either I’m all in or I’m out. I don’t understand why I gotta be with her just to be a dad. At the end of the day, I don’t want to be with this chick and I don’t want to be buying all this baby stuff if it ain’t mine.

Now, she’s almost 5 months and I don’t know what do anymore. But, I know I don’t want to be with her, but I can’t risk her leaving either. My homie told me to not sign the birth certificate, but she told me if I don’t then she will take off regardless it it’s mine or not. But, I heard if it’s not mine and I sign then I could still get hit up with child support. I’m in a sticky situation. – Bad Mistake

Dear Mr. Bad Mistake,

Uhm, sir, I question your judgment and logical reasoning and thinking skills. You are the one who decided to get into a relationship with a woman who has two children by two different men. That alone should have been a red flag. Just like I tell women to avoid dating men with multiple baby momma’s, I warn men about women with multiple baby daddies. It’s not a good look. You should be very leery before dating someone with multiple children, and the parents are still around and not active in their children’s lives.

Next, you are calling her devious regarding her character, and questioning if the child she is carrying is yours because she cheated, well, Mr. I-Just-Got-A-Revelation, she was always this woman. Why are you surprised by her character and behavior now? Why are you so shocked she could be this conniving, and manipulative? If you weren’t so gung-ho and caught up in playing house and daddy, then you would have seen what so many others saw in her – she’s a troubled soul looking for daddy.

Well, I hope you’ve learned a very valuable lesson – stop running up in women raw dogging them if you don’t want to have children with devious, cheating, and conniving woman. Just like women share community d**k, then, it’s safe to bet that you men are sharing community p***y. Also, what I don’t understand is why are you in a relationship and you’re playing house and daddy to a woman who has children by two different baby daddies? You, my friend, are a sucker. You sound like a trap waiting to happen. And, from what your boys told you she is not too shy about keeping her legs open. So, it’s safe to say that she found in you a man who was willing to step in to provide and play daddy to her two children when their own fathers didn’t step up to the plate.

Now, she is using the same trap and same line she probably used on the other two men when she got pregnant by them. This is her game. Her M.O. (method of operation). See, a young woman who has no family, no friends, and nothing going for herself, and she is not too close with her family, and has no father-figure in her life, she will use men to get what she wants. She feels that the only thing she has to offer men is sex, and getting pregnant. For her, children are a ways and means to keep men in her life, and to prevent these men from abandoning her. So, she is laying this thick sob story on you about how the other men left her and abandoned her, and you will do the same thing. And, because she has no family in the city, and she can’t rely on anyone, then, she will pack up her things and her children, and move back home with her mother over 300 miles away.

So, let’s take this into consideration. She has two children by two different men. If she can’t afford to take care of her children, and they are such a burden, and she can’t seem to make ends meet, then, don’t you think she would have left by now? Don’t you think she would have learned the lesson after the first child? No, sir, she didn’t. So, she gets pregnant again, and I’m pretty sure that when she learned she was pregnant she said the very same thing to him that she is telling you. If he doesn’t step up to the plate and help her, or provide for her and the children, then she will have to pack her things and move all the way home because she can’t do this alone. Well, lo, and behold, she has the second child, and I’m sure she thought the second baby daddy would be there for her, and take care of her and her children. But, guess what, he left her, and guess where she is? She didn’t move. She found another sucker, that will be you, to play this game with once again.

What I am saying is that this is a pattern. She is looking and searching for something or someone to fill a void, and having children for her is nothing more than a hobby. Her goal is to find a man, some man, any man to be in her life and to give her what she has never had – a male figure. Some male authority. Some male attention. Her father.

Look, stop making this more difficult than it has to be. You don’t know if the child is really yours, especially if she cheated on you and slept with her baby daddy. You even said the dates don’t add up. So, don’t purchase anything, don’t make her any promises of what you will do, or will provide. Just wait until the child is born, and request for a DNA test. That is all you can do. And, if she was going to leave, then she would have left by now. She is playing on your heartstrings, and emotions. She knows how to play you. That is why she is making all these demands, and absurd requests from you. Keep in mind that she is the one who cheated. You broke up with her. She now wants you back. She’s pregnant. She is saying it’s yours. Neither of you know and won’t know until the child is born if the child is really yours. So, sit back and wait. If the child is yours, then you will know what you need to do. If the child is not yours, then you will also know what you need to do.

You don’t have to be with her, she is giving you an ultimatum to be with her or else. Well, bye Felicia! Why be with someone and you don’t love them? Why be with someone under duress? You can’t make someone be with you if they don’t want to. She wasn’t thinking about being faithful and honest when she cheated. She didn’t take into consideration your feelings when she spread her legs for her baby daddy. So, how can she demand and make you be with her now that she is pregnant and I’m sure she doesn’t know who the father’s child is. She is hoping that you are the father. She is hoping that the child will be yours. It’s between you and her baby daddy. If I were you I’d be hoping it wasn’t mine. As much as you want a child, you have to consider the other package that comes along with it. And, that is a lifetime of dealing with her. NO MA’AM!

And, I agree with your friend that you should not sign anything until after the DNA test has been confirmed. You sign a birth certificate and the child is not yours, then you will be paying child support because your name is on the birth certificate. NO SIR, DON’T SIGN IT!

Lastly, and for the life of me, I don’t understand why are you fighting her baby daddy in the street like some common low class uncouth ghetto donkey? Why are you mad at him? She is the one who cheated! I swear you people lack common sense thinking skills. Just like the women who fight the other woman when they learn their man is cheating on them. Why do they fight the other woman? She didn’t know or wasn’t aware he was cheating. He was lying to her and telling her what she wanted and needed to hear. So, why are you fighting the other man? You don’t know what lies she was telling him, or what she filled his head with. You already broke up with her. That should have been the end of it. Nooooo, you running up on him and wanting to fight him to prove your manhood, and to prove she is your woman. Uhm, obviously she is not too faithful and too concerned about you. And, look where it got you – in jail, with a record, and now you have this on your record and have to go to court, pay fees and court fines, all because you wanted to prove something to someone who could care less about you. GROW THE “F” UP!

I hope you that will do some self re-evaluation, make some changes in your life, and be about something other than running up in women raw, and get your head together and focus on you. Focus on getting an education, and stop this hood mentality of fighting in the streets over a woman who doesn’t give two cents about you. Why fight with someone who could care less about you, and isn’t thinking of you. You’re better than this. Go back to school. Get into college. Get a career. Get out of the hood, and stop engaging in community p***y. Why are you so desperate to have a child, and so desperate to engage in unsafe sex practices and not think of a woman you can marry, have a family with, and build with? Until you want to do better, then you will continue to attract this into your life again and again. You have to change first. – Terrance Dean

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