Dear Bossip: His Wife Won’t Accept My Child Like She Does His Other Kids

- By Bossip Staff

Black woman angry

Dear Bossip,

I was sleeping with a married man on and off for several years.

We stopped once I got married and move out of state, but we remained in contact. Once I divorced and returned to New York, we resumed our same frisky behavior. He would complain about his wife and accused her of sending nude photos to another man. He was already cheating on her with other women that I knew about.

I got pregnant by him a few years back, but he convinced me to have an abortion. Fast forward, I’m pregnant again, but I have decided to keep this baby (although I have an 8 year old daughter), because my Dr. told me the risk of having too many abortions. So, I tell him that I’m pregnant and that I’m keeping our baby. He refuses to tell his wife. It’s not like this is the first child he’s had outside of his marriage. He has another child that his wife is helping him take care of.

Since he refused to tell his wife and I didn’t have her contact information, I searched online and found her mother’s phone number. I called her mother and told her that I wanted my daughter to be taken care of just like the rest of his children. The wife called me, which I ignored her phone calls. So, she called me from her husband’s phone call to tell me that she wants nothing to do with my daughter and that her son will never meet my daughter. So, again, I looked for her online, and this time I emailed her at her job and sent her the following message:

You won! My child won’t be a part of your husband’s life. But, just so you know, there were women before me and there will be many more after me. Your husband will NEVER be faithful to you. He will just learn how to hide it better and you will be an idiot and stay. And, that’s fine, that’s your right because a marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse right? But, if you are going to stay and put up with his cheating, then SHUT UP and sit in the corner. Your problem is not with me it’s with your husband who can’t keep his d**k in his pants. My child should not have to suffer because you put up with his bull-ish. I owe you NOTHING.  We aren’t friends. We don’t run in the same circles and I’m not screwing you. You claim to be a “Christian,” but I call bull-ish. You are a hypocrite. You want to put on a front for the world as if you have the perfect marriage. And, if hiding my child and trying to make it difficult for him to do for his child makes you feel like more of a “Christian,” or a woman, then you are a sad individual. You should be ashamed of yourself. And, no amount of sitting in church and reciting scriptures is going to change that. Your issue is not that your husband cheated with me, but the fact that he admitted that he loved me. You thought telling me about him being with Javier’s mother at the same time he was with me would upset me? I could care less. You see, I always knew your husband wasn’t -ish relationship-wise. He was always honest about that. As a matter of fact, I was in the BBM group with two other females he slept with. My issue is not me wanting your husband. My issue is that your husband not pulling his d**k from behind his balls (and as we BOTH know it is very big, LOL!), and him not letting you have any say so when it comes to OUR child. A child you have already admitted you want nothing to do with. So, why should you be there through any discussions? As far as I’m concerned a child is a blessing. He could bring home something worse, something he can’t get rid of like an STD, herpes, H.I.V., etc. SPEAKING OF STDs, and since he was being all honest with you did he tell you about that time he came home and gave you pills to take because I contracted gonorrhea from my ex and didn’t know it? And, there was the possibility that he had it. So, he went to two separate doctors and I think with one doctor he took the shot and the other doctor he got the pills to give you. Did he tell you that the last time we had sex he had actually thought about taking me to your house so we could do it there? I BET HE DIDN’T. But, if being 40 years old, and chasing a man you married, and checking his phone and harassing the women he is with (because let’s be honest you were a mini-stalker when it came to me. Don’t think I didn’t know about you sending me messages pretending to be him. You NOT slick!). If that is your thing, then, hey, do what you please. Now, that I think of it you actually didn’t win, you lost. And, because of your f****d up ways your husband has lost as well. He has lost his daughter. Now you BOTH live with that.

Glory to GOD and BE BLESSED!

Then, his wife wrote me back and this is what she said:

Hebrew 13:4:  Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icBbewIBjIQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Wife

After his wife sent that message I responded with another letter, and this is what I wrote:

You are marriage is honorable? However, from what I hear you had some guy you were “talking” to and sending naked pictures to, and texting. You know the one who lives outside of New York. So, be ready to be judged as well. I’m not saying I won’t be judged, nor do I walk around acting like I’m completely innocent. Do you think God is not going to judge that you are trying to make it difficult for YOUR HUSBAND to see HIS CHILD? Or, choosing when he is able to talk about and acknowledge her? If you are mad at your husband than be mad at your husband. But, don’t slight my child because of it. You want to work things out in your marriage G-R-E-A-T. If you are accepting your husband back, then just know that you’re accepting everything that comes along with him. Deep down inside you know you are wrong. This is why you don’t want your son to know because you don’t want him going to church and saying anything. You are too worried about an image. Debating this is a waste of time because your mind is made up and your husband is not going to tell you that it is wrong. He is too busy trying to give you what you want to make you stop being mad at him. He should give you the world to make things right, but letting you dictate a relationship with his child should not be one of those things he gives you. Especially, since you don’t want to have anything to do with this child. Before I let my child go through hurt or confusion because of this situation I will pull her from this situation. I’d rather her miss a “father figure” than to miss “Joe.” There is a difference. You will always have animosity towards me and that will seep down towards my child. And, your husband is not correcting you on it. So, I know he isn’t going to correct it in a year or two from now. Neither one of you have to ever worry about my child. Take care.

Terrance, I decided it was wrong for me to keep my daughter from her father. Although, he does pay child support and he gets her 2 to 3 times per month, he doesn’t do for her like he does for his sons, and I believe it’s because of his wife.  Why isn’t his wife accepting my daughter the way she accepted her stepson? My daughter hasn’t wronged her. My daughter is an innocent party. And secretly, I would like to get him back. – His Other Child’s Mother

Dear Ms. His Other Child’s Mother,

WTF did I just read!?!? I….I….I….am really at a loss for words. I really don’t know what to say to you. I can’t believe that you actually want to know why his wife is not accepting your daughter into their family, and, then you end your letter by stating that you secretly want him back.

WHOA! WOW! I truly thought I’d read and seen it all, but this is really taking things to whole other level. You actually sent in the letters that you wrote to a man’s wife, a married man that you were sleeping with, and you really want advice on how to proceed with getting her to accept your child that you had with her husband?

Did you actually read what you wrote to her and said to this woman? Did you actually go online and search for his wife’s information, and since you couldn’t find her, you got her mother’s information and called the mother? That is some ole scandalous low down –ish right there. And, when she returned your call you ignored her, but then went online and searched to find her work email and you wrote to her at her job? You are truly a special case. You are mental. You are unstable. You write this woman this long drawn out email espousing what you know, what her husband shared with you about their marriage, and you expect her to be kind, nice, and embracing of you?

Then, you brag about getting an STD, gonorrhea to be exact, which you got from an ex-boyfriend, and you gave it to her husband. So, you were sleeping raw dog with two different men at the same time? And, you feel good about this, and are able to feel as if you’re throwing shade to her by informing her that you knew you gave it to her husband, and he went and got treated, and he gave her some pills of which she was naïve or unknowingly taking because her husband told her to take them? UGH! You are a very kind of special.

And, you’re throwing religion into it, and slamming her for not being a so-called “Christian” because you’ve been sleeping with her husband for years, got pregnant by him twice, and he brought her a disease that he contracted from you, and, then, you’re blowing up her email and trying to condemn her for not accepting your child into their home as if she owes you something? This. Can. Not. Be. Real. Life.

You really want advice on what to do in this situation, yet, you never acknowledge your role and what you’ve done in this situation? You never apologize to this woman for putting her through all this, nor do you acknowledge your guilt for sleeping with another woman’s husband? Not once do you admit that you were wrong, or felt any remorse or guilt. You actually feel as if you are in the right, and that you have some ownership, or had some type of real relationship with her husband. You actually bragged about sleeping with him, and then bragged about his penis as if you owned it, or it was some measure of consolation prize. SMDH! You really don’t see what you’ve done, and how you’ve destroyed other people, and then brought a child into the mix and want them to accept your child as if it’s a new pet addition to the family. WOW!

It’s women like you, women who have no self-worth, and no self-respect, that are vile, low down, gutter, and trash who have no qualms about sleeping with another woman’s husband, and then brag about it, and expect the wife to just put up with this and accept you as if you’re doing her a favor. You’re ruining other people lives because your life is miserable and depressing. You have nothing going for yourself, nothing to show for who you are as a woman, and nothing that you have accomplished other than being tossed and passed around by various men and feeling as if you’re a grand prize because you think you’re stealing other women’s men. You have not won anything. You have not gotten any prize. What’s even sadder is that you thought after all the complaining he did about his wife, and him saying how miserable he was that he would leave his wife for you, and marry you. He never left her. He is still with her. They are still married. You haven’t even come up in the world. You are still in the same place where he met you, and where he left you. You are pathetic. You’re childish, silly, immature, and disgusting.

What is sad is that you brought a child into your drama, your mess, and you want someone else to pay and take responsibility for your recklessness and irresponsibility. You really think that someone owes you something, and that others should have to pay for your whorish ways, your gutter behavior, and your ghetto mentality. You are writing this woman these nasty and vile letters because you’re mad him, and upset he didn’t follow through with his plan, or promises that he made to you. You seem like the type who would plot and plan to get pregnant in order to take him from his wife, and you felt having a child would do just that.

There is nothing I can tell you. No advice that I can share that will get his wife to accept your daughter into their family like the rest of his children he has created outside of his marriage. You have already made up in your head and in your mind what you want, and how you plan to go about getting it. You will always be a menace to him and his wife. You are out to destroy them, and it’s because you have a destroyed soul and spirit. You are a broken woman. Until you can see who you are, be honest with yourself, and begin the work on yourself, then there is nothing I can tell you. You actually think you are the victim. You actually feel as if you’re a part of their family. You are sick. Sad. And, you need some help. I hope you get it, soon. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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