Dear Bossip: I Gave Up Everything To Be With Her, Now She Wants Nothing To Do With Me

Dear Bossip,

I hope you can help me sir. I am from Maryland and I worked all the time.

I had my own distribution business driving a bread route, and I worked all the time. I was lonely and wanted a partner. So, I was on an interracial dating site where I met my future wife. She is from Indiana. I went to go meet her for a few days and then I went back to Maryland. Within two weeks, I sold my route back to the company and I moved to Indiana to be with her and her kids. I asked her dad for her hand in marriage. Then I asked her mom, and her kids if they were cool with me asking her to be my wife. They all were cool with it.

Then, one day, I got on my knees and asked her to marry me. She wanted a huge wedding, which we didn’t have the money for, but we worked all year to get the money for the wedding to pay for it. It was very hard because the my pay was not very good while I was in Indiana. It was hard for me to get a good job, but I got one. However, paying for a wedding and taking care of a family was really hard. But, we did it somehow.

About two months after our wedding, and two days before Christmas, I lost my job. She was a nurse and she had no problems finding work. Sometimes she worked three jobs. Me, I didn’t know anyone in Indiana, and it was harder for me, so, I took whatever I code get. But, it didn’t pay well. I went from December to April with just “joke” jobs until I got a nice job in April. It destroyed me the few mornings I was working but not making enough money to take care of my family. I didn’t feel like a man anymore. And, it also didn’t help that her oldest daughter burned up most of the little gas money we had for me to go to jobs or job interviews. But, I tried not to get everyone mad.

But, when I got the good job at the Y, I was so happy because I knew I could now take care of my family. However, that was not to be there case. We had major money problems. We lost our house we were renting. I noticed a major change in my wife towards me. She no longer showed affection toward me at all, anymore. She wouldn’t talk to me about much of anything. If she did, it was nothing good. The kids all loved me and for me them it wasn’t perfect, but we did the best we could.

My wife was hurting me bad, both mentally and verbally I would go to work and sleep in the car or the work truck because of way she treated me. It hurt. I left for a few weeks to go to Florida to stay with my son and to get my head straight because I knew something was wrong. And, she cussed me out over and over her. And, the kids wrote me saying they needed food. I came right back and she wouldn’t let me in. I lived at work, or was sleeping in the car garage. I then found out even, and I already knew in my heart that my Hershey was having an affair with a guy from her job, and it was just after we were married for six months. She told me that she hates me and to leave her, her kids, him, and all her family alone. The kids still contact me. My heart and soul are destroyed. I love her and her kids, with all that I am. What can I do? I have not heard from her on or since Christmas day. – Got To Get Her Back

Dear Mr. Got To Get Her Back,

Sir, your wife is gone. There is nothing you can do. She has moved on emotionally, mentally, and physically. And, I am sure it had to do in large part with your inability to maintain and keep employment, and to take care of her and her kids.

See, when you had your distribution company, and were making lots of money, you looked attractive. You had your own thing going, and you seemed to be about your business. Then, you go on online looking for love because although you seem to have it all – a good job, stable home, money, and your own business, then, all of these trappings look good on paper for a single woman who is raising her kids all alone. She wants someone who is stable, earning money, and are willing to take her and her kids into his home.

Welp, she got a huge awakening when she discovered that you were not what you appeared as on paper. Look at this logic and tell me if this makes since: You meet her online, and then decide to go visit her. After a few days, and possibly catching feelings and thinking you’re in love and she’s the one, you go back home and within two weeks you sell your company and move in with her and her kids. Now, logically speaking, does that make any damn sense?

What grown ass man gives up his own business, quits his job, and moves in with a woman and her kids after two weeks of meeting her? What grown ass man thinks or feels that this is a good idea? You can’t possibly rationalize what you’ve done, nor can you convince any of us that you think or felt that this was the most brilliant idea you ever had. That was dumb. It was not a smart move. You barely knew her. You had no clue who she was, what she was about, and who she really was. That is why she was able to move on so easily from you and to another man. She was never serious about you, and she had no intentions of settling down into a monogamous relationship with a man who could not support her and her kids financially. She was looking for financial security, not love. Unfortunately, you got caught up and now you’re trying to figure out how to get her back and win her over. Sorry, this marriage is done, over, and finished.

Lesson learned: Never give up everything for someone who is not willing to give up anything as well.

She doesn’t want to be bothered, so leave her alone. She doesn’t want to be married any longer to you, so give her the divorce. She has told you to leave her, her kids, and her family alone, so, therefore, leave them alone. You can’t force someone to be with you, and you can’t force anyone to love you. I recommend you work on yourself. Work on why in your desperation for love you made a foolish decision to give up your money, career, and livelihood without exploring if she was actually the woman for you. The marriage was rushed. Your dating was rushed. Your getting to know one another was rushed.  You rushed into this relationship hoping it would save you from your loneliness. Welp, sir, that didn’t work. You’re right back where you started. – Terrance Dean

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