Dear Bossip: She Claims She’s Pregnant & Has A Fiance, But I Really Like Her

- By Bossip Staff

black-man-distressed

Dear Bossip,

I met a girl 9 months ago at my place of work. We became friends and decided to get into a relationship.

While I was trying to get to know more about her especially about her past relationships, she didn’t open up to me. What she told me about her sexual life is that she was raped, and I felt pity for her. I tried as much as I could to comfort her. I told her that everything would be fine. So, we were having a nice time getting to know each other, and hanging out together. Eventually, I fell in love with her. I also saw that she liked, or perhaps, loved me too through her body language.

After some month, she travelled to home to go see her parents. I called her just to check on her. I was surprised that after I called she sent me text saying that, “Dom, I am sorry we can’t have a relationship because I have a fiancé.” I was shocked when I read the text because she never
told me this when I asked her about her past relationships.

When she came back from her travels, I asked her why didn’t she tell me she had a fiancé. And, why wait to tell me now when I have fallen in love with her. She said they just stopped communicating for a few months and she saw him when she travelled home. I decided to ask her if she loved the guy and she said yes. I also asked her how long she has been engaged and she said 2 years. I just laughed at her because I know the guy was trying to hold her with the engagement. I also went further and asked her about her sexual life and she said she only had sex with her fiancé, apart from the rape and abuse she experienced earlier in her life. I trusted what she told me, but I told her that I will leave her alone since she said she loved the guy.

I just don’t know what happened, but we became close even more than ever. However, each time when I visit her apartment I see different guys, even married men, coming to visit her as well. At first, I overlooked everything, but later when I told her if we are going to be together then you need limit all these visitations. She said they are just friends.

To cut the long story short, she has told me so many lies and I just digested them all. But, what killed my trust for her was when she was flipping through her diary, and I decided to check the diary since she allowed me to flip through it. What I saw in her diary sent a chill through me. Can you believe that she has slept with almost ten different guys in the past, but she claims to have slept with just her fiancé, and only the other time when she was sexually abused “raped” I was very angry with her and I asked her why didn’t she tell me this all this. She said she never wanted me to think bad of her, and besides, she slept with this guys before we met. I forgave her, but I was not comfortable with her sex history because in my mind everything she told me I knew she was lying. I was indeed troubled and I asked her to tell me the truth. I asked her to tell me how many guys she slept with behind my back while we were dating, and she said two guys at different times. I was emotionally down and I had to get away from her because she had
betrayed my trust, our love, my time, my attention and my effort in order to make things work.

After some weeks, she told me she was pregnant and was planning to abort the pregnancy. I told her not to abort it. I decided to check in and to call her frequently because of the pregnancy. I am confused because I don’t know if she is actually pregnant, or maybe she is just trying to get my attention. And, if she is pregnant, as she said, there is an eighty percent chance that I am the father of the child. While there is a twenty percent chance I may not be the father due to her infidelity. When I ask her questions about the pregnancy she is not always direct with me. Instead, she changes the subject. I have tried several times to know if the child is mine and to know the truth, but she is not sincere. I haven’t been able to see her to confirm the pregnancy because I have been traveling. I play different tricks just to know how serious she is, but she is not open with me. One time, because I was very angry, I sent her text saying that “If you can’t be open with me, then don’t call me again, and, moreover do whatever you want to do. I can’t continue wasting my time around you.” Please give me some advice on what to do, and how to proceed. I need and want answers and to know if she is telling me the truth. – Not Sure About Her

 Dear Mr. Not Sure About Her,

Damn, man, you are getting played. She is straight up using you, lying to you, and playing you like the naïve dude you are.

Either you don’t have common sense, or you are just too nice, or even, maybe, just naïve and slow in the head. This girl you’ve been dating for nine months leaves to go home for a visit and then texts you that she can’t be in a relationship with you because she has a fiancé and has been engaged for two years. Bruh, really?!? She has a fiancé and she is just telling you after nine months of dating? And, she has been engaged for two years and she is in a relationship with you and sleeping with you? Bruh, come on man, you can’t be that damn dumb. She is ratchet and she is trifling. Why would you want to be with a woman who can’t be faithful to her fiancé, and, why would you want to be with a woman who is engaged to be married to someone else? However, I really think she was trying to break up with you, and unfortunately you didn’t take the hint, and kept pursuing her. You are either a glutton for punishment, or you are gullible and just a f**k boy who don’t know any better.

But, hold up, let’s address all these men who are coming in and out of her place that she calls her friends. So, you see and know about all these men, and you tell her that she needs to limit the visitations, and her response is that they are just friends. Uhm, no, they are not friends, bruh. She is entertaining those men. And, I’m using the word “entertaining” generously. She is not friends with those men. And, you should wise up and wake up to know that if you’re in a relationship with a woman and she has several men coming in and out of her place, and she is supposed to be in a relationship with you, then, she should not be having different men in her home. I don’t care if they are friends, co-workers, play cousins, or whomever. That many men coming and going is speaking volumes about who she is and what she is up to, i.e., her pregnancy.

Why would you or why do you think the child is yours? Are you running up in her raw, and having unprotected sex? Just think, if you and she are having unprotected sex, then what do you think she is doing with all those men? Therefore, why would you think the child is yours? Also, isn’t it a possibility it could be her so-called fiancé’s child? I bet she is still sleeping with him as well as with you, and whomever else. Hell, you read her diary, and you saw the number of men she has slept with. Don’t be too quick to claim this child, especially when you have averaged your percentage to about eighty percent. LOL! And, I think you got it backwards. The twenty percent should be allocated to you, and the eighty percent to those other random men she is sleeping with. And, bruh, you don’t even think she’s pregnant. So, if you don’t believe her, trust her, and you suspect that she is up to something, then why are you getting all up in your feelings for this girl?

Look, this girl is a liar, manipulator, and deceiver. She withheld the fact that she was in a serious relationship with another man, and is planning to marry him. She lied about her sexual partners. She lied about her male friends who come to visit her. She is playing you and all the other men she is laying up with. She is trifling, and quite frankly, she sounds loose. She is telling you that all those men visiting her are male friends, and that she has had a fiancé for the past two years. Uhm, sir, she is busting it open for everybody and anybody. How can she have a fiancé and have all these male friends? How can she have a fiancé and still call herself in a relationship with you? Dude, she has admitted to lying about her sexual past, and she admitted to you that she lied about it because she didn’t want you to think badly of her. She refuses to answer your questions about the pregnancy because she isn’t sure who is the father of her child. She is trying to figure out which guy to pin this child on, and you are being too naïve and gullible. Wake up and see what she is all about. She is not your girlfriend. She is not your woman. She belongs to every man. She is sleeping around. She is dishonest. She cannot be trusted. She is deceiving you. Leave her alone and walk away. You cannot change her, or make her into the woman you want her to be. She cannot commit to you. Why do you want to be with a woman who cannot be faithful, committed, or monogamous with her fiancé? You are in rotation for her. Realize this and save yourself. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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