After taking some time off following the tragic loss of their baby, Jack, Chrissy Teigen has returned to social media with a heartfelt letter about her time off.
The cookbook author posted a link to a Medium article she wrote on Tuesday afternoon, marking the first time she’d tweeted since sharing the tragic news on September 30 that she suffered a miscarriage.
Chrissy and her husband, John Legend, first announced the addition to their family over the summer, revealing Teigen’s baby bump in his music video for “Wild.” But as Chrissy documented her journey through her third pregnancy, she revealed she was on bedrest for more than month before being diagnosed with “partial placenta abruption.” Eventually, after months of bed rest and days in the hospital, the couple knew Jack wasn’t going to make it.
In her essay, Teigen details what happened leading up to the loss and how she’s been dealing with it since.
“I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption,” she wrote on Medium. “We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.”
Teigen also recalled her constant efforts to remain hopeful, “twisting [doctor’s] negative words into positives,” before she ultimately had to accept that Jack would not make it.
“He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she continued. “We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again.”
Shortly after tweeting the article, Chrissy expressed to fans that she was anxious, knowing that her following would get to read about her difficult experience for the first time.
“Phew I just had a full on panic attack of more tear snot just knowing anyone read this. I’ve missed you all terribly,” wrote the star.
Teigen’s following instantly flocked to the comments to show support, with one user replying, “It’s been 24 years since I lost my son and reading this took me right back. I feel every inch of her pain.”
Absolutely heartbreaking. You can read Chrissy’s post in its entirety here.