Dear Bossip: Because Of The Arguments & His Abuse We’re On Break, But I Want It For Good

- By Bossip Staff

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Dear Bossip,

I am a 21 year old college student who is in desperate need of advice.

I am on a “break” with my boyfriend because our arguments began to become very heated and physical. About two weeks ago, he literally punched me in the face (mouth to be exact) whilst we were arguing. As I said, we have been together for a year, but a few months ago I started to feel tired of all the arguments and we would literally disagree on everything. I’ve tried to end it in the past, but he manipulates me every time. Now that he has been abusive to me, I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore because his anger scares me sometimes.

We are now only on a break because he has threatened to commit suicide if I ever leave him. I am worried about him because he needs help and he said he doesn’t. I am also worried for the safety of myself. He apologizes and cries almost every day, and this just makes me feel as though I am hurting him more and more. I have made up my mind that I do not want to have him in my life anymore, but I am only on this ‘”break” with him because I am afraid that he does something stupid and it will be all my fault. I have no clue how to end it or what to do about all of this. I am just very tired of all of this.

On another note, I met some about a month ago and we talk very often, and it is obvious that we like each other. He shows me that he likes me a lot by the things he does and says, but I am worried because he is about 8 years older than me and he does have more experience than me. I don’t want to move too fast either, but what can I do to see if he really does like me or if it is just a plan to get into my pants? – On A Relationship Break

Dear Ms. On A Relationship Break,

First, you need to file a police report against your boyfriend for domestic assault. He punched you in your face, in your mouth. Do not take this lightly. If he is verbally and physically abusive, then please know he will do more harm the next time, and you yourself may not live another day. It was a punch this time, and trust me, the next time you will be laid up in a hospital with tubes coming out of your body, or you won’t be alive. STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE! Do not meet up with him to discuss anything, talk about anything, or work anything out. DO NOT MEET UP WITH HIIM!

Second, get a restraining order from the police. I hope that you have saved all the texts, and messages of him confessing what he did. You will need this for documented proof that he is violent and has violent tendencies. Let them know that you don’t feel safe, and you fear for your life. Show them the texts where he says he will harm himself if you leave him. If he can harm himself, then please know that he will have no problem harming you. Please do not get back into a relationship with him, and end it today. Immediately!

Third, block his number from your phone. Do not answer calls from blocked numbers or from numbers you don’t recognize. It will be him. Block him on social media. Block his emails. If he shows up at your home, then call the police. You will have your restraining order. He will go to jail.

In regards to the new guy, please proceed with caution. But, quite honestly, I recommend that you take a break from dating and relationships at this time. You are too vulnerable, and too fragile at this moment to move into another relationship. You are in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, and though you may not recognize it you are hurting, in pain, seeking solace, and you want someone to show you compassion, tenderness, and love, the things your boyfriend didn’t show you or could give you. So, you’re very vulnerable, and fragile. This new guy appears to be all the things you think you need, but because you emotionally and mentally hurting you won’t be able to recognize any other signs he may be exhibiting. You could attract another abusive guy and not even know it. Therefore, take this time and work on yourself. Heal your heart, mind, and soul.

Lastly, find someone you can speak with on your campus, either a counselor, professor, or a therapist. Someone you can trust. You stated you are a college student. Then, I recommend seeking out your psychological campus services and speak with someone who can help you work through all of this. Make an appointment and let them know what has happened to you, and what is currently taking place. Your boyfriend is manipulative and conniving. He continues to make threats to you and against himself. That is a problem, especially if you think you feel guilty if something should happen to him if you don’t take him back. You don’t owe him anything. You are not responsible for what he does to himself, or if he harms himself. He is mentally and emotionally unstable. STAY AWAY FROM HIM!

Also, if you live on campus, and if your boyfriend attends the same school, you can file a report against him. Even if he doesn’t you can still file a report. You didn’t mention if you lived on campus or commute to school. Regardless, seek out the services that are free from your school, and speak with someone. You have to report what has happened to you, and begin a paper trail just in case something critical happens to you by your boyfriend. Please review all of the above, and take the necessary steps. Save yourself. Save your own life. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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