Dear Bossip: I Want More From Him, But His Ambition Is Low & I'm Tired Of It

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 ½ years. I’m 22-years old and he’s 29-years old.

I recently just had an awakening that this guy is not gonna do anything with his life. He smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, works at Wendy’s, etc., and I decided I want better.

My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently. Around November I decided to tell him how I feel. He went BANANAS! I had to call the police twice and everything. He even called my mom a b***h and a whore, which is like a big NO-NO. By the way, my parents HATE him.

Now, he’s trying to act like he wants to do something with his life, which in a way it doesn’t seem fair because why did it have to take all of that for him to want to do something. In my opinion it’s like he’s trying to make me be with him. I would like to be with someone who already has his life established, no kids, etc., and is just waiting on me to complete his life who by the way, my parents tolerates. I’m pretty fed up with this guy who I have been seeing for about 3 ½ years, so anything he does to try to impress me is like I have no more interest whatsoever. What should I do? – Over Him

Dear Ms. Over Him,

Girl, I am over you and him. When you confront him he goes off on you, and then you had to call the police, TWICE! Uhm, when you have to call the police on your mate or partner, then it’s time to end the relationship. It’s time to say goodbye and let bygones be bygones.

And, why is he resorting to calling your mother names? What the hell?!?! And, you’re still with him? Why? If he can call your mother out of her name, then I can only imagine the names he has called and said to you. I really can’t believe that this clown is still living after he called your mother a b***h and whore. Really? Really! If it was such a big NO-NO, then why are you still with him? Why are you entertaining him and the relationship? It’s obvious you don’t have any regard for yourself or parents. If he disrespects your parents, well, we already know that he disrespects you. SMDH!

Why won’t you take the advice from your parents? Why won’t you listen to them? You stated, “Their advice is great and all, but…” And, then you stated, “My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently.” So, why not listen and take heed? They know something. They see something you don’t. Chile, I know they are kicking themselves everyday wondering how is it that you are their child.

And, talk about someone being s-l-o-w. After 3 ½ years you finally get an awakening that he is not going to do anything with his life? (My head is cocked to the side as I stare blankly at you). Girl, when you first met him and he was working at Wendy’s, smoking weed and drinking, and staying out all night. He had no ambition and no goals. Ma’am, the moment he opened his mouth is when you should have exited and said, “No, thank you. I’m not interested.” What was enticing or intriguing about him? What was he bringing to the table that had you so excited to want to be with him? If he didn’t see or want anything better for himself, then you can’t hope and wish he will want it. I don’t know how many times I have to say this for ALL OF YOU TO HEAR IT. No matter how much you may want to be with someone, love them, and hope they will change, IF SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE OR DO BETTER WITH THEIR OWN LIFE, THEN THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THEM TO CHANGE OR DO BETTER WITH THEIR OWN LIFE.  Stop pacifying these grown ass men who are little ass boys! UGH!

I’m going to make this brief because I truly believe if I spend any more time wasting my thoughts, energy, typing, words, and “KEEP HOPE ALIVE” speech on you, that you are not going to do anything about your situation Girl, you better get you some business and a life. There is no future with him. There is nothing he can offer you, give you, or bring to the table. Stop letting this man run you. Please tell me what type of future you see with this man? He is a 29-year old who smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, and working at Wendy’s – he’s not even the manager. He isn’t even the assistant manager. (I’m giving you and him the side eye). I can deduct a few things from this about him. He doesn’t own a home, or car.  He probably works part-time, and lives at home with his momma (in the basement), and the little money he makes he spends it on weed, alcohol, and clothes. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! So, go right ahead and spend another 3 years with this fool and when you’re pregnant, living in your parent’s house, and he’s still at Wendy’s, then you tell me if you should stay? – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!